Welcome to Remote Work & Staying Sane During Covid-19 Crisis

As a full time, work at home mom for the past 10 years, welcome to my world everyone! With Covid-19 utterly shutting down our country, I’m grateful I can work remotely. Those of you joining the work at home gang I have some advice for you.

1. Have a schedule and stick to it - same goes for the kids. I will be spending my weekend setting up an hourly curriculum of sorts to keep the kiddos busy including school work, play time, crafts, conditioning (for the gymnast), outside time, and screen time. The plan also includes doing a research project, book report, and learning outside by planting vegetables and such. All it takes is one spreadsheet to get you going and keep on task.
2. Start your work early in the morning so you can justifiably have a few hours in the late afternoon for down time or to hang with the kids. The kids are going to want to be with you and play with you. Bake that time into the schedule so you’re not feeling guilty and them resentful.
3. Plan screen time around conference calls. It's the best way to have complete quiet/focus. Screen time should be closely monitored and controlled in my opinion. Save it for when you really need it.
4. If the opportunity allows, run to the dollar store or dollar general and get some new items to keep them entertained. When you need peace or quiet for work, throw them a new coloring book or activity they haven't seen before to spark interest.

During this time specific to the Covid-19 threat, my plans also include:

1. No play dates. Do virtual hangouts. I'm going to ask my kids' friends' parents for times and let them Skype or FaceTime to "play virtually". This will be our social interaction and I know it will help.
2. Keep "school" hours. No sleeping in or staying up late. No pajamas all day, every day. Keep some part of normal.
3. Lots of outside energy time allows for proper rest time after lunch so keep that “rest” time after lunch for your piece of mind and theirs.
4. If your child has an extracurricular activity, I plan to still do that but at home. They are missing soccer practice? Do “soccer practice” at the same day/time but at home and make a family event. If you don’t have equipment, conditioning is always fun and easy. My kids love conditioning. We have a conditioning dice ball and they roll it to see what they can do. Pushups, running, jumping jacks, etc. You can simply do this with popsicle sticks or using something online. Get your kids moving, it’s important!

It’s more important than ever that we keep social distancing so we don’t spread this nasty thing far and wide. Please do what’s right for your family and for those around you and stay home. We may all go a little insane there is a light at the end of the tunnel, I promise.

Find my school plan for my kids here to copy or share.

Published on BLUNTmoms

Read my published piece on BLUNTmoms. It's a coming of age story about how I finally feel like and adult and the sad reason why.

This One Thing Suddenly Made Me An Adult

Writing about a Writing Competition

I joined a writing competition.

Write a short story 6 days. Easy.

Write said story with an assigned genre and objects. Okay.

Said genre assigned = action/adventure. Mother Fucker.

I have never written action or adventure. Ever. So I started brainstorming and got a few ideas right off the bat.

I then told Lyla because even though she's only 7, she's an aspiring writer also. What can I say...!

She had some ideas too.

My first story which was supposed to be an adventure turned out to be a love story - go figure...

My second story went from thriller to adventure to... heartwarming...

My third story is currently a blank doc. It will come to me, I suppose. Probably an hour before the deadline.

I just think it's funny that my genre is so different from me but this contest is really fun. Hopefully I can knock someting out and make it to the next round. Stay tuned for more updates and for failed adventure short stories ;)

Stuck in Drafts

I have 3 posts in draft mode.

I have 6 books started including one pretty much done.

I have 2 short pieces for possible sale.

I have one entire story on my iPhone memo that I "wrote" while driving.

All in draft mode. All not finished. All waiting to be out in the world.

I have a life to organize. I have holidays a coming. I have a baby shower to run. I have a first birthday party in planning. I have work to do.

I'll be stuck in draft mode for a while.

Book of Your Life

I wrote this for a friends wedding and had previously published it here on These are Days... Just came across it today randomly and wanted to share again. Love this..

In the book of your life, there is the story of your love. The first few chapters are short ones, detailing your devoted love for parents and family. Fun tales of writing Mother’s Day cards and doing arts and crafts; they are always gifts from the heart to show your family how much you love them. Love is so easy at this age. It is innocent and unconditional. We spend this time just being kids and loving with our whole beings.

Once you get a little older, the chapters get a little longer, and more characters are introduced. That cute boy at recess who you play tag with, the next door neighbor you sit on the bus with, and your sibling’s friends who hang out at your house, are impossible to not blush over. The opposite sex is so alive in your mind but you’re still too young to really understand and wholly love.

Adolescence is a wonderful time in our lives. So many stories, so many love tales and tragedies take over our existence. Though exciting and ever-changing, our mystical romances and casual flings help us practice for the real thing and spectacular act of, love. These chapters in our book are sometimes forgotten or neglected due to the heartache and pain we suffered through.

All the experience gained during our teenage years is tossed aside as we grow into adults. We don’t want to remember our proms and our bad breakups. We want to move on with our lives. The next few chapters in our love story weave tales of happiness, sadness, fun and regret. We find ourselves enjoying the company of friends, finding out who we really are and who we want to be. We are devastated by break-ups, and too weak to approach the one our hearts call out to. This period in our life is for introspection, growth, and most of all for self-love.

The most beautiful chapter in this story is the final one. One in which you have grown to be independent, to love yourself; you are finally ready to give yourself to, and love, someone else. Then you meet that special being. Time stops. In your world, the only people on earth are you and your soul mate standing in front of you. All of a sudden it does not matter what day it is, how much money is in your bank account, or what’s happening tomorrow. All you know is that right then, you found that someone to love. You’ll be happy to be with this person for the rest of your life and making them happy will bring you no greater joy. Nothing else matters to you. You realize that the love you’ve been growing your whole life has blossomed for this one, special person. That love is the love that will keep you writing the rest of your love story.

Thoughts

(I wrote this exactly three years ago today but for some reason never published it! No idea.. I'm odd..)

Lately I've had a lot of time to think.  During 2am feedings, afternoon naps, and long drives to and from my parents' house, I have allowed my mind to wander freely.  Sometimes I talk my thoughts out loud to Lyla and other times, I am mentally writing them down.  Some recent thoughts...

If I was not married (and with child for that matter), I think I would seriously consider driving to New Canaan, Connecticut, finding Paul Simon, and stalk him.  I would find all his favorite places and at the right time, I would "accidentally" bump into him.  I'd charm him and eventually I would wind up at his house where we'd become either A. BFF or B.  married.  I decided I would consider being a polygamist to marry him even though he is old enough to be my grandfather.  There is just something about that short guy and his amazing vocal and song writing talents.  I love Paul Simon.

I also have been thinking a lot about music.  There are only a few albums out there that from start to finish are amazing.  One album that is utterly the best ever and I'm still amazed by it so many years later, is Weezer's Blue Album.  Every song on that album is awesome.  I can listen to the Blue Album every day all day and never get bored.  I must say that Lyla loves it too!  A few other fantastic albums I love include:  BNL's Rock Spectacle,   Dave Matthew's Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King, and Rusted Root's When I Woke.

Honestly that's it.  I can't think of any other albums that are amazing from start to finish.

I also have been thinking about Lyla a lot.  What will she think of me when she really gets to know me?  Will she like me?  Will she like my crazy tendencies or will she be embarrassed by me?  Will she know how much she's truly loved? 

I really think that life is not what it should be.  I've been thinking about this in depth for the past few weeks.  How many times a day do we actually stop, think about what we're doing, and love it.  Each day, I feel, we're just getting ourselves ready for the next day and the next thing.  We're never enjoying the present. Think about it, really.  Every day I do laundry that I will have to put back away for future wearing.  Every day I'm doing dishes to use again.  Each day we clean up, make the bed, and get ready for the next day.  It sucks because that is what you have to do.  But I feel each day is a never ending cycle of getting things ready for the future.  Why do we spend almost all our day in the same ol' routine:  get up, get ready for work, work, get ready for work the next day, go to bed, etc.  I really do envy those retired, those independently wealthy, and people who don't follow routines.  I don't think I'll every wake up and love what I do every second of the day. Who loves chores!

A Vow

Wrote this on an airplane to Florida 8 years ago today to recite on a very special day.

I love you Jared.
I love your passion and the way you show it.
I love your smile and how it makes me smile.
I love how caring and considerate you are and how you'll go out of your way for people.
I love your ambitions and goals and want to be by your side to support you.
I love that every minute I'm with you I love you more than the minute before.
I love that you sleep with your mouth open, how everything has a place, and how important certain things are to you.
Most of all, I love that you've chosen me to spend the rest of your life with and I'm honored and promise to love you with all my heart forever.

31 Things I've Learned in 31 Years

(Well I started this in September 2012.   Just added a few more in October 2012.  Added a few more November 2012.  Adding more now January 2013. And finally finished March 2013.)

On my 32nd birthday, today, I have decided I must finish this post. Finally. Enjoy...

Over at one of my new favorite blogs, they are all doing this exercise and I really wanted to add my two cents... Let's see how long this takes me to write!

31 Things I've Learned in 31 Years

32 Things I've Learned in 32 Years

1. Nothing ever turns out the way you planned. You can plan 100% of everything but get ready to be disappointed.
2. Judge a book by it's cover, literally.  In the end, you'll be more surprised with the outcome because you didn't what it was about!
3. There is no such thing as true love until you've become a mother.
4. No matter what you're going through, always remember someone out there has it worse off.  It could be worse.
5. Be grateful for the little things like running water, an abundance of food, shelter, and people in your life making things all the more easier.
6. Marriage is hard!  You both have to work at it and it can't be one sided.
7. No matter how many romantic comedies you watch or chick lit novels you read, your life will never be like that.  This one is hard to swallow ladies but if you think John Cusack will be outside your window some day with a boombox blasting Peter Gabriel, think again...
8. When all else fails, have some chocolate.
9. Nobody can get anywhere without rolling up their sleeves and committing to some hard work.  
10. Enjoy life in the now and don't say "I can't wait until..." because that moment will come all too fast and go by even faster.
11. Take some me time, every day.  Even if it's only for 5 minutes!
12. Be spontaneous.
13. Don't get upset over the little things like spilled milk and broken glasses.  They are only things.
14. Do stupid stuff every once in a while. It will be fun, I promise.
15. Never, ever, ever change who you are for someone else.
16. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel, even if you think your tunnel is never ending and too dark.
17. They are your feelings and don't listen to someone if they say don't worry, or it's stupid.  Your feelings always count.
18. Working from home rocks.  Seriously, it rocks.
19. Age is just a number.  You're only as old as you feel.  And no matter how depressed you get for being older and growing up (well do we really ever grow up?) and life going by too fast, just remember it could be worse. You could be dead!
20. If you have troubles, nothing can take them away better than reading a good book.  A little bit of fiction is a great escape!
21. You will do some of the same things your parents did.  Try not to.  I dare you! (Trust me. I never thought in a million years I'd be saying, "That's right on a Saturday night!" like my dad always says.  Damn, I can't escape it!)
22. True friends are hard to fine.  And friendship is a two way thing.  One person can't do all the work.
23. Playing with a child and using your imagination is so amazingly rewarding.  We must all do this more often.
24. Don't stress about weather! You can't control it.  So what if it's torrential down pour on your wedding day.  So what if there is a hurricane and it cancels your event.  There is nothing you can do and stressing just makes it worse! (Okay so I need to listen to this myself...)
25. Food is awesome so don't limit yourself because of calories!
26. Family is just that, family; no matter what.
27. A good cry is necessary every once in a while. Try it while sitting on the bathroom floor or in an empty tub for superior results.
28. Sing loud and often wherever you are. Singing is so gratifying even if you have a terrible voice.
29. Being nice all the time is not all it's cracked up to be. People will walk all over you and take advantage of you. Sometimes people suck ass.
30. Close your eyes when you're listening to good music. It will sound even better and it's invigorating. 
31. The beach is more fun and calming in the winter so grab you hat, gloves, and coat and take a walk by the waves during a snowfall.
32. Smile. Really, smile. So many people have blank faces or frowns all day long. Having a smile on your face puts you in a good mood and will make others happier around you... If you just smile...

I can't believe how long this post took me to write.

Sleep; A poem

Written November 28, 2004

I can sleep now
I feel at ease
Never felt so good
I can relax now
My mind shuts down
No more thinking all night
I can be happy now
My heart is full of love
Days and nights filled with joy
I can be in love now
And I can be loved now
No more pain
No more tears
Anxiety and worries no more
He is there
I can sleep now

Random Quotes

I love quotes.  Or I loved quotes; when I had the time to look up quotes, write them down, post them everywhere.  I don't have as much time for them but I love that my old habits are always around.  Every once in a while I'll come across a bookmark online of a quote I saved.  I'll find a piece of paper with a quote I jotted down. I'll read through my journal and find random quotes on blank pages all the way in the back.  Here are some I recently came across that made me smile all over again.

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning how to dance in the rain."
- Vivan Green

"Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for."
- Joseph Addison

"Never frown, even when you are sad because you never know who is falling in love with your smile."
- unknown

"To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world."
- unknown

"Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one.  So when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful."
- unknown

"Don't waste your time on a man who isn't willing to waste their time on you."
- unknown

"It takes a minute to find someone special, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire lifetime to forget them."
- unknown

"No man is ever worth your tears and the one who is won't make you cry."
- unknown

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the number of moments that take our breath away."
- unknown

PS:
At our wedding, the favors were home made plaques by my aunt and cousins that depicted a love quote on them.  We hung them on all the chairs for people to take home and they were beautiful.

From my life at 17

I've been reminiscing lately and in search from some photos, I came across a letter.  In one of my high school classes, I had an assignment to write a letter to myself.  The teacher said he'd mail it to us in five years.  I came across that letter just now and wow, I'm stunned.  First off, how was I so wise back then?!

Me at 17 (yes those are overalls!)

I ended my letter with a poem I wrote that I wanted to share. It brought tears to my eyes remember my youthful ways.

Enjoy.

One day I'll look back at this letter,
And realize that my life now is much better.
I'll see how all my confusion has past,
And it's time to start my life at last.

I'll begin on my journey towards success,
And all of my dreams I'll confess.
I'll reach for the stars an achieve what I want,
While maybe being a mother, a wife, or aunt.

One day I'll look back at this letter,
And realize my life now is much better.
All the worrying about had decisions done,
All those close soccer or softball games were lost or won.

I'll think of all those hard teenage years,
And all the many nights I cried those tears.
Many memories of friends and their roles,
Trying to reach their own dreams and gaols.

One day I'll look back this letter,
And realize my life now is much better.
I understand that I'm a young woman now,
And that I need to get my life started somehow.

No more talking about what I should have tried,
No more thinking if I only hadn't lied.
Time to get serious about my life,
It's time to consider the roles of being a wife.

One day I'll look back at this letter,
And realize my life now is much better.
I'll know about love and where it comes from,
I'll finally know what I want my life to become.


For the record, this letter also contained concert stubs, photos, stickers, and a love letter for an old boyfriend!

An Open Letter to My Class of 1999

Dear class mates,

Where are you?

What are you doing?  I haven't heard from most of you; ever. God, has it been 14 years?  Yes, I did know about the 10 year reunion but refused to go.  To be honest, I was pregnant, feeling icky, and didn't want to see you.  Any of you.

You see, you let me down.  You did.

For me, high school was awesome.  I had an amazing group of friends, played three sports, was National Honor Society, was in many different clubs, and always had a boyfriend by my side.  I hung out with upper classmen and lower classmen.  I was nice to everyone and had a ball hanging out.

Some good, old friends (me in the blue in the middle)

Study hall in Bittle's lab.  Hanging out in the courtyard.  Wearing ridiculous outfits for game days.  Proms, after proms, dances, football games...I can't remember much else because it was so long ago.  The one thing I do remember is the group of friends I had.  That's right, past tense, had.

Something happened. I didn't take the same path as most of you after high school.  Instead of going away to college and meeting new friends, I stayed home and commuted to a local school.  Instead of college parties and frat houses, I hung out with my ex boyfriend in his dingy apartment.  Fun times!

But then we broke up and where did you all go?  Damned if I know.  But that is not all.  I got sick.  I mean really sick. I mean, I almost died.  Where were you all then?  You know who you are. Do you ever wonder what happened to me and how we stopped being friends?

Sweet little ol' Jessie from high school who weighed 105 lbs wet and Keith used to lift me upside down. I thought it was awesome.

Me, the girl who had fires in her back yard and all the guys and girls used to come hang out, smoke blacks, and quote So I Married an Axe Murderer until we laughed ourselves silly.  "Harriet, sweet Harriet..."

Jessie, the one who remembered everyone's birthday and still does to this day - without the help of Facebook thank you very much.

I lead the team in goals for two years!

I had friends like Scott and Alyssa who I went to school with since kindergarten!  Others like Danny - who I was in love with in 8th grade and thought I'd marry!  Cindy who was my best friend in middle school and dated that same Dan later in high school.  What about Allison who sat with me at all the BNL concerts and memorized the song lyrics with me.  And Matt who was there and drove us to that beach in RI where finally did memorize that song!  And on the way back we hit a dog on the high way and were all devastated.

What about Pat who had fun parties at his house.  We used to play Wyclef until everyone was sick of it!  We be stayin' alive....

Chris,  Greg, Brian, Christy, Mike, Liz, John...

I could go on and on.

The point is what happened to all my "friends".  We all drifted our own ways?  You all picked my ex-boyfriend instead of me when we broke up?  Some of you who had even been friends with me first?!

What happened then?  I got sick and it was too difficult to get in touch or see how I am?  I mean, four years of our lives were intertwined and then poof, you all vanished.

I guess it didn't help that I moved an hour away. I guess it didn't help that I didn't try as hard as I should have to stay a part of the crew.  But one thing for sure is it still hurts.

I hate Facebook.  Some of you have friended me and others haven't.  I see who is married with kids.  Who moved on to bigger, better things.  I see all of you tagged in each other's weddings. Some of you, friends of mine for more than 10 years, all having a good time without me.  Maybe this is me wallowing in self pity or maybe this is me genuinely feeling bad we're not friends any more. I'm not sure at this point.

But here I am almost (gulp) 32  years old.  High school is old news.  Or so I thought.  Facebook is high school all over again but this time, I'm the odd one out.

me and my girlss: betts, holly, me, kathleen

But I don't need you anymore and that is where I'm heading with this.  I am so happy you all seem to be doing well, having tons of friends, families.  I am too.  I have a great job. I have a great family. I have four friends still from high school - and those four friends I'd choose again if I had the choice (Holly, Kathleen, Betts, and Brent).  They are real friends and have stuck with me since high school.  They truly care.

So I'm over you.  I'm over feeling sad when I see Facebook photos of you all together.  I'm done feeling sad I lost so many of my friends after a break up way back when.  I'm sorry it didn't work out.  I wish you all the best in your lives ahead of you.

For me, high school will always hold a special place in my heart as well as those memories I hold so dear.  I just ask that you remember me too.

Sincerely,

Jessie D.

ahh, the memories!

Check out my guest post!

I have a guest post today at CTworkingmoms.com!  Pretty cool, eh?  Check it out here.

Me and my girl

It Could Have Happened...

Last week I had a heart attack - not literally but my heart was attacked.  To quote an awesome song...

"Tears stream down your face, when you lose something you cannot replace."

While Jared was away, my iMac crashed.  It was just black and I couldn't get it to work.  I didn't think much of it and figured Jared would fix it when he came home.

No dice.

He called Apple and they needed to look at it so he brought it to a Mac repair store.  That night, he said it was backed up but he wasn't sure if it worked.

There wasn't even a second of hesitation, the tears literally came streaming down my face.  Lyla was eating dinner, Jared was cooking, and I was standing at the counter crying, no sobbing.  The more I thought about the things I had on my hard drive the harder I cried.  

All my photos, all of them.

My writing from the last 15 years.

My projects I've created.

The letters I've been writing to Lyla since she was a plus sign on the EPT test.

Videos

The lot

All of it.

Lyla was getting worried so I went into the dining room and literally collapsed on the floor hyperventilating at the thought of the loss.  On my hands and knees, Jared came over to rub my back and said he did all he could and it should work but he wasn't 100%.  He felt awful, naturally.

I could not calm down. My hysterical fit lasted about 25 minutes.  I was resigned to wait for the outcome but I couldn't help feeling it was over - it was all gone.  I thought and thought about it and just knew it was gone.

They were able to fix my computer and when Jared brought it home, he plugged in the back up to restore my Mac.  It was Friday morning and he should have been at work but he knew how worried I was.  Bad news, he couldn't find it.  My folders were there but nothing was in them.  He looked like he was going to cry because of my first reaction to the thought of losing everything.  I was so sad I had no reaction.

He took the back up and the Mac back to the guys who fixed it and left it in their hands hoping for a miracle.  All day I waited on pins and needles wondering what was going to happen. Was my life erased or did I have it still? My only saving grace was the writing and photos I had on my blog. I'd have something...

The phone call finally came in, they had found it.  It was there, all backed up. I was okay. I was whole.  A huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders and I felt liberated.  It could have happened but it didn't.  I could have lost everything but luckily my husband backs up and even though he couldn't find it, it was there.

My life on my Mac is irreplaceable.  I would have never had those items again.  Now I know to cherish them always.  And keep the most important files on a thumb drive in my purse at all times!

In any event, I calmed down and just hugged my hubby.

Do you back up?  You should...

Having it All and Judging Others

There has been so much talk lately about "women having it all or not". Anne-Marie Slaughter wrote about how women still can't have it all.  Then you have a peanut gallery discussion about that.  Then a doctor chimed in about not having it all at the same time.  And a man chimed in.  These are just some of the articles I came across but I'm sure there are loads more.  I wanted to write about this myself and then today I found this article by Penelope Trunk.  

The web was all aflutter with the announcement of the new Yahoo! CEO Marissa Mayer, who also happens to be six months pregnant.  Then it was all aflutter with the fact that she was only going to take a few weeks off for maternity - (gasp!).

For what it's worth I will shed my opinion.  You can have it all or not; it is up to you.  Everyone's idea of "all" is totally different.  Having it all to a man in his forties could be:  wife, 2.5 kids, successful career, house with white picket fence, etc.  Having it all to a woman in her 20s:  being a graduate of college, having your first job, partying every weekend.  Having it all to a working mom could mean:  having at least one day a week when you're not feeling guilty about something (does this exixt?!).

There is no "norm" to having it all.  Therefore everyone's opinion is just that, your opinion - so stop bashing others for their choices.  Everyone has the right to live their lives they way they want and they will decide what they need to do to "have their all".

Secondly, in regards to maternity leave and Marrissa Mayer.  Do I agree, no! But is it my business, no! Let me ask you this... what is better?  A mom like Mayer earning millions, having a baby that someone will inevitably take care of for her or a mom that gives birth having a drug or alcohol addition who's baby will ultimately also be raised by someone else.  Both will have a short maternity leave, both will not see their children as much as the "normal" mom.  Some of you people out there ragging on Mayer because she is taking a short leave are basically saying she's a terrible mom already.  But it's none of anyone's business. EVERY day kids are taken away from their birth mothers for a myriad of reasons.  Isn't a loving home enough for kids?

If Mayer sits there and says she's not going to love her child because she loves work more then there is a point.  But her child will get the loving home he needs regardless if he sees his mom often or not.  I'm not condoning what she is doing because I don't agree - you only get that precious time with your baby once and you should take advantage of it.  But it's none of anyone's business what she does or doesn't do.  It could be a hell of a lot worse and I'm sure that baby will have a good life.

People have opinions and want them to be heard, I get that.  But maybe we should focus less on bashing other people's choices (especially celebrities) and focus more on our own life and choices.  It doesn't matter if you're Mayer, Brad Pitt, the Pope or Obama - we are all just people entitled to live our lives the way we want to. Let them live, people!

Can't Sleep

On night 3 of no sleep.

Granted it's only 11:30 p.m. right now but I have no hopes for a quiet, peaceful night.

Tuesday night Lyla was up most of the night with what I thought were nightmares.

Wednesday night I was sharing a hotel room with my coworker/sister in Chicago on the most uncomfortable bed with the most uncomfortable pillow.  Thursday night I drank too much cider, played too much whirlyball and spent another restless night in our king bed hotel room.

Tonight, I'm home after my quick trip, in my own bed, with my teething toddler on pain meds and I can't sleep.

Lyla's molars came through when I was away and my poor girl was in so much pain!  I hope she sleeps well tonight.  

I swear on this blog I write only the following:  can't sleep, motherhood stuff, complaints about getting old, and ranting about work.  Are you bored yet?  For any of you still reading I need to get my act together - something else I seem to write about often yet can never seem to get to it.

Tomorrow I'm bringing Lyla to her first birthday party for a friend of hers.  Sunday morning we're having a mass for the one year anniversary of my grandfather's desk.  Tuesday I'm off for a day trip to DC.  Friday I'm in RI for the weekend for a wedding.  The following week Lyla turns 2. Then I'm off to SC for a quick overnight trip.  Then it's mother's day.  Then my inlaws come for 2 weeks.  Then it's summer.

What has happened to 2012?

Working Mom Mondays - Missing My Kid

What did I tell you... "by Monday night I'll be sobbing."  I've reached my breaking point.  I miss my kid.  So much so that I feel bad for myself and have bought a gigantic choc/pb cookie I'm currently whimpering over.  It tastes delicious but it's not making me miss Lyla any less.  And to think I have two more full days before I can see her!  Ouch, my heart aches.

I've stopped talking about her because my eyes are tearing up and talking to my coworker who has been traveling for more than 2 solid weeks and has not seen his girls makes me lucky I'm not all over the place too often.  

I have not ever been able to really express what it is to be a mother.  It's an indescribable feeling.  Lyla was conceived in me.  She grew inside of me through a literal connection.  She came out of me and though that connection eventually was broken, literally, the connection that I had to her never went away.  Just because she is no longer attached to me, she is still part of me in every other sense of that word.  I will never be a whole person again because part of me is her.  And when we are not together, like now, I feel incomplete. With her I am whole. Without her I have a hole.   

Being away is making me very emotional and this damn cookie is not working; in fact it has made it worse (cause now my belly aches along with my heart).

Lyla is fine.  She has her dad and she probably won't know she missed me until I get home.  Because when I get home, she will be clinging to me for dear life for at least a day and a half if not more.  She will realize that she has her mommy back and she will feel whole again too.

As I sit her in my hotel room finally in solitude after a long day of talking and talking and talking, I find myself longing to be at home cleaning up the bath tub, making coffee for the morning, listening to the quiet, rhythmic breathing of my girl in the monitor, and sitting on the couch with the hubby arguing over what to watch on TV.  I have this every night of my life and just being away from it for 5 days is really sinking in.  I am such a wuss to be honest.

In any event, I am here to work and will be home to my family soon.  I could never be a traveling businesswoman.  My family is too important to me.  And though I love my job (most of the time), it does not rank number one in my life.  Some days I just wish I could be independently wealthy so I could be home with my child all the time.  Some day...

Time for Us - My article

My second article has been published in The Day's Grace, Magazine for Women.  I still get giddy thinking about my writing being enjoyed by people.  I hope you do as well!

Read my article here.

Working Mom Mondays - My Debut

Today I talked about motherhood and "date night" in my new column in Grace: A Magazine for Women.  Check it out here. Check me out here.  Super cool!

Loving what you do

Do you love what you do?  Sometimes I look around and think, wow, I love what I'm doing right now.  Especially this morning.  I spent a good 30 minutes writing an article for a new column I'm doing for a local paper.  It's really nothing big and splashy but it's me writing just like I write for someone else to read.  And I'm getting paid to do it!

It's just one article every month and so little of my time, but man, I love it.  The more experience I get, the more free time I can finagle, maybe I'll be able to do this more.  I'm so proud of myself and I almost cried when I got my first check (I know, a bit dramatic and a tad lame - I took a photo too!) and was in tears listening to someone compliment me on my work as they laughed out loud to it.  Wow, just wow!

I know I could have what it takes. I have SO many stories I have ready to tell.  I just need to wait it out a bit and keep writing.  I'll get there some day.  And it's all about loving what you do.  I do.