Thursday, January 24, 2013

An Open Letter to My Class of 1999

Dear class mates,

Where are you?

What are you doing?  I haven't heard from most of you; ever. God, has it been 14 years?  Yes, I did know about the 10 year reunion but refused to go.  To be honest, I was pregnant, feeling icky, and didn't want to see you.  Any of you.

You see, you let me down.  You did.

For me, high school was awesome.  I had an amazing group of friends, played three sports, was National Honor Society, was in many different clubs, and always had a boyfriend by my side.  I hung out with upper classmen and lower classmen.  I was nice to everyone and had a ball hanging out.

Some good, old friends (me in the blue in the middle)
Study hall in Bittle's lab.  Hanging out in the courtyard.  Wearing ridiculous outfits for game days.  Proms, after proms, dances, football games...I can't remember much else because it was so long ago.  The one thing I do remember is the group of friends I had.  That's right, past tense, had.

Something happened. I didn't take the same path as most of you after high school.  Instead of going away to college and meeting new friends, I stayed home and commuted to a local school.  Instead of college parties and frat houses, I hung out with my ex boyfriend in his dingy apartment.  Fun times!

But then we broke up and where did you all go?  Damned if I know.  But that is not all.  I got sick.  I mean really sick. I mean, I almost died.  Where were you all then?  You know who you are. Do you ever wonder what happened to me and how we stopped being friends?

Sweet little ol' Jessie from high school who weighed 105 lbs wet and Keith used to lift me upside down. I thought it was awesome.

Me, the girl who had fires in her back yard and all the guys and girls used to come hang out, smoke blacks, and quote So I Married an Axe Murderer until we laughed ourselves silly.  "Harriet, sweet Harriet..."

Jessie, the one who remembered everyone's birthday and still does to this day - without the help of Facebook thank you very much.

I lead the team in goals for two years!
I had friends like Scott and Alyssa who I went to school with since kindergarten!  Others like Danny - who I was in love with in 8th grade and thought I'd marry!  Cindy who was my best friend in middle school and dated that same Dan later in high school.  What about Allison who sat with me at all the BNL concerts and memorized the song lyrics with me.  And Matt who was there and drove us to that beach in RI where finally did memorize that song!  And on the way back we hit a dog on the high way and were all devastated.

What about Pat who had fun parties at his house.  We used to play Wyclef until everyone was sick of it!  We be stayin' alive....

Chris,  Greg, Brian, Christy, Mike, Liz, John...

I could go on and on.

The point is what happened to all my "friends".  We all drifted our own ways?  You all picked my ex-boyfriend instead of me when we broke up?  Some of you who had even been friends with me first?!

What happened then?  I got sick and it was too difficult to get in touch or see how I am?  I mean, four years of our lives were intertwined and then poof, you all vanished.

I guess it didn't help that I moved an hour away. I guess it didn't help that I didn't try as hard as I should have to stay a part of the crew.  But one thing for sure is it still hurts.

I hate Facebook.  Some of you have friended me and others haven't.  I see who is married with kids.  Who moved on to bigger, better things.  I see all of you tagged in each other's weddings. Some of you, friends of mine for more than 10 years, all having a good time without me.  Maybe this is me wallowing in self pity or maybe this is me genuinely feeling bad we're not friends any more. I'm not sure at this point.

But here I am almost (gulp) 32  years old.  High school is old news.  Or so I thought.  Facebook is high school all over again but this time, I'm the odd one out.

me and my girlss: betts, holly, me, kathleen
But I don't need you anymore and that is where I'm heading with this.  I am so happy you all seem to be doing well, having tons of friends, families.  I am too.  I have a great job. I have a great family. I have four friends still from high school - and those four friends I'd choose again if I had the choice (Holly, Kathleen, Betts, and Brent).  They are real friends and have stuck with me since high school.  They truly care.

So I'm over you.  I'm over feeling sad when I see Facebook photos of you all together.  I'm done feeling sad I lost so many of my friends after a break up way back when.  I'm sorry it didn't work out.  I wish you all the best in your lives ahead of you.

For me, high school will always hold a special place in my heart as well as those memories I hold so dear.  I just ask that you remember me too.


Jessie D.

ahh, the memories!

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