Smudge: An Obituary

Smudge E. Wudge

Sometime 2001/02 - January 25, 2018

Smudge, a beautiful torti cat, passed away from kidney failure at a ripe old age.

Smudge was born somewhere on some date to someone who didn’t want her. She was then given to someone who already had a cat (who was a total brat) and they didn’t get along. That family tossed her outside to fend for herself where her adoptive father, Jared, took her in, cleaned off the tons of ticks, and gave her a home.

She and Jared automatically clicked and settled right into being roommates. In 2004, they gained another roommate - Smudge’s adoptive mother Jessie. She wasn’t a fan of cats at first but Smudge certainly won her over throughout the years.

Smudge was known as a huntress early on who could outrun lots of animals, scale trees and the roof like it was her job, and left all sorts of rodents, bunnies, and even birds as an offering to her parents. Sometimes in the grosses of places like inside a slipper (no joke!) and at the door of their bedroom. The amount of things she killed and then ate was admirable - waste not, want not was her motto. Finding mouse entrails on a daily basis was part of the life.

Smudgie also had an eccentric personality when it came to living life. Her parents would constantly find her sleeping in the oddest of places - the bathtub, the bathroom sink, and under the duvet smack dab in the middle of the bed. It was amazing really - how did she get directly under the duvet, in the middle of the bed with no wrinkles or messed up blanket. More times than one her parents couldn’t figure out what the lump was on the bed…

She also made her presence known around the house. She used to climb up to the roof and knock on the bedroom window in the middle of the night to let her parents know she was ready to come in. She’d scratch at doors all hours of the day and night to be let in or out. She also felt right at home in her parent’s bed sleeping on Jared’s pillow right next to his head. Nightly there were fights on how her mom had no room in bed because Smudge was comfy and shouldn’t be disturbed.

There was no room for any other pets in the house. The one fishbowl was knocked over after one day; that poor fish hadn’t a chance. A little brother was introduced after a few years but he was ignored and swatted at. He eventually passed and another little brother, Olly, came who wanted nothing more than to play with Smudge but she was too cool for him. They dealt with each other.

As Smudge aged, she slowed down. No longer hunting all day long, no more climbing of trees, and no more offerings of rodents. She spent most of her senior years snuggled up on the bed or getting smothered by the children. Smudge had been left to fend for herself but her family gave her a chance. She took that chance and made a wonderful life for her and for them.

Smudge leaves behind her mother and father Jessie and Jared; their children Lyla and Brighton; and her little brother Olly. Plus tons of extended family who loved her like their own - especially Oma from England.

We will really miss her even though sometimes she was a total pain in the butt. Rest in peace, Smudgie. Hope there are lots of animals to chase in kitty heaven.

Bon Voyage 2017

Goodbye 2017...

I’m not sad to see you go. To me, 2017 was a shit year.

On the surface, it would appear to everyone around me that it was fantastic. But to me personally, it’s been a struggle.

Just admitting to that is hard. But even more so, it makes me sad.

In 2017, our daughter went from being a gymnast for fun to an actual competitive one. She has competed in 3 meets coming in first place all around in one and 2nd place all around in another one. She’s a determined, strong young lady with so much drive that I can’t help but see so much of her father in her. Everything she does, she works hard for and does it well. She’s a fighter - growing so strong and more beautiful every day.

Even with all she’s accomplished this past year, 2017 was still a struggle for me.

In 2017, our son just turned 3! Already! He’s so freaking smart and very fresh - but only for me. He took to potty training like a champ and is thriving at his new school. A decision I made and felt guilty for for a long while. He wants to be just like his sister and is not afraid to ask for privacy in the bathroom or tell me to stop singing if I’m annoying him. Though he can be a total pain, he’s the sweetest boy and I’m so grateful to be his mom.

My sweet boy is growing and doing well but still 2017 was a struggle for me.

My husband needed an outlet for work stress and had a desire to get fit. He has been at the gym almost every day for months now and has lost a lot of weight. He looks fantastic, is in a better place, and is healthy. I’m so proud of his progress and dedication to getting fit. He’s been an inspiration.

But 2017 was still a struggle.

I got a promotion at work, did some really awesome things, and took on the task of a working mom like a hurricane. Driving from one thing to the next, doing fun things with the kids, and making sure they were a part of something amazing. I struggled, but I did it.

We all have our health.

We have a roof over our heads.

We have enough money for what we need.

We have family and friends.

But 2017 was still a struggle, for me.

So with all we have accomplished, I’m sad how much 2017 was a struggle for me.

The personal struggles I’ve been through this year are just that, personal. I have avoided writing about it hence have avoided writing in general. And a non writing writer is the worst kind.

Someday I will talk or write about it but for now, it’s still going on. I’m just not ready.

I’d like to sit here and say 2018 will be better but I’m not going to lie to myself. I have no idea what 2018 will bring.

All I know is that I will try my best to not struggle for 2018. I want more than anything to thrive. One day at a time, I hope I can get there.

Ignorance Could Have Brought Bliss

It was a great morning.

I was woken up by my toddler who now climbs out of his crib and into my warm bed for some morning snuggles. It’s literally one of my favorite parts of the day. Feeling his chilly body pressed against my warm chest while he strokes my cheek and cuddles me. There is no greater love than a mother for a child - except for when said child is snuggling on their own accord. My heart just melts. I pray it lasts forever.

The kids got dressed on their own without fuss. I got a stern talking to by my toddler though. It was funny. I asked him if he wanted the rest of his muffin. He said he wanted it not frozen though. Thoroughly confused, I asked him, do you mean you don’t want it warmed up? Yes, he said, don’t warm up my muffin, got it?

As we walked down the stairs, he looked at me and said: What did I say? Don’t warm up my muffin. Understood?

I was cracking up. He’s just the cutest, seriously.

We asked Alexa for some jokes and boredom facts while the kids ate breakfast and I prepared school lunch. I had Alexa play my favorite Beach Boys song and we were on our way to a great start.

Kids went upstairs to play (we were ready so early, there was play time! Score!) so I put on the radio to be entertained while I finished my coffee and catch up on work. I wish I hadn’t bothered. I wish I could have let me great morning continue but the world and one sick individual had other plans.

How many times do I need to turn on the TV or radio or read news online and see such heinous acts of cruelty? How often is there something going on in our country or world making people talk, disagree, argue, and cry? When is it going to end?

Never.

For this reason, I prefer to not listen to news and not read online. For this reason, I choose ignorance. It’s horrible, I know. It’s a cop out. I suck. But people and the world suck worse. I just hope and pray every day that these horrible things don’t come close to my tiny corner of the world.

I hope and pray that more people would raise their children the right and moral way - without hate, without judgement and with more love and kindness.

I hope and pray that those who are ill get help.

And I hope and pray that someday, I can turn the news back on and see more love than hate. Some day.

In the meantime, I will stay here in my tiny corner of the world, ignorant, yet doing my job. Helping to raise good people who will bring more love and less hate to the world. A job, though small, that is very important.

4 Years Later

I wanted to repost this piece I did after the Sandy Hook Tragedy.

Still sad when I think of it...

I'm happy to be a volunteer for the Safe and Sound Schools helping to make a difference.

The Snowflake Project.

I Lost a Baby

Ten years ago, I lost a baby.

Jared and I got married and had wanted to wait a few years before starting a family. We wanted to enjoy our time together and build a life before we welcomed children. We went to Hawaii on an incredible honeymoon and I came home pregnant. Whoops!

Having always wanted to be a mom, I was over the moon excited. It wasn’t what we had wanted but it happened and we couldn’t have been happier. Being young and naive, we told everyone, right away. Telling my family I was pregnant was probably the best feeling in the world. Jared and I couldn’t have been more proud and anxious to have that baby in our arms.

Eight weeks pregnant, the cramps and bleeding started and just like that, a life was gone. My world was shattered. I spent the entire summer mourning the loss of the baby and the loss of being a mom. I was a recluse. Miserable. I didn’t know how to continue on with life.

At one point, dear friends of mine actually forced me out but I was still bleeding pretty bad. We were out to eat and I came back from the bathroom soaked in blood. They took me next door to K-Mart and we got new undies and pants so I could continue on. Not a highlight of my life but I remember it like it was yesterday. I was so ashamed. Ashamed of the situation at hand. Ashamed I had lost the baby. It was my fault. But I had to move on. I wasn’t the first woman to have lost a baby and I wasn’t the last. It happens often, to many. And it truly wasn’t my fault but it just took me a while to realize that.

I don’t talk about my miscarriage often because so many sad, terrible memories come flooding back. But every once in awhile I think about how I’d have a ten year old daughter right now. Everything else in my life would be different.

A few years ago when Lyla was little she was sitting at the kitchen table eating lunch. She said to me something about her sister. I told her she was being silly and she didn’t have a sister. She insisted that she did too have a sister; a big sister and she was 7.

My mouth dropped open and I almost passed out right there on the floor. I don’t believe in ghosts or spirits or any of that crap honestly. But my little girl was so convinced that she had a big sister so at that moment in time I lost all sense of prohibition and allowed myself to believe. I believed that I had had a daughter who had passed and she was looking out for her little sis.

I never lost that baby, but she was there, somewhere.

I am Lucky. I am Grateful.

I can’t imagine what anyone goes through when a close loved one has cancer.

I can’t imagine what a parent goes through when their child has cancer or any terminal illness or that matter.

I’m at a total loss to understand what that is like.

Every night, I pray to God to keep my child safe and healthy. That is all I want. It doesn’t keep me up at night worrying because I know sometimes you have no control of those two things; safe and healthy. I’m not asking for the world.

About a year ago I came to hear about a young girl in my town who has cancer; she’s 9 years old. She was doing well and then the cancer came back for the third time. People rallied all around town. They put up signs (similar to the politician yard signs) to show their support for her and her family. I started following her updates on Facebook to see how she was doing. Every day as I drove around town, I would see the signs everywhere and think of her and they made me smile. Sometimes, I’d see the signs and cry worried for her and her family. I’d cry not being able to understand what they were going through or feeling so helpless; nothing I could do will help her or any child with cancer for that matter. Helpless. Sad for her and her family. Thankful my children are healthy.

I’ve never met this family or this little girl. But every day I see those signs or I see updates; they are on my mind constantly.

The way they are bravely facing this challenge blows my mind. Her mother is so eloquent and so strong. The little girl has this smile that lights up on my screen as if she has conquered the world. And I think she has. I’m in my thirties and still can’t figure out life but she, at nine years old, didn’t have a choice. She grew up fast and with all that I’ve read about her plus photos I’ve seen, she has figured it out. This family, bravely going where I’ve never been before, and doing it with such grace. I admire them. I grieve for them. I pray for them.

Most importantly, I’m thankful for them. Because every day when my healthy children wake up, I know how blessed I am. Maybe I had a rough day, maybe my kids aren’t listening, maybe they were driving me crazy. But I have them and they are healthy. I am so Goddamn lucky. I am so thankful to that family for always reminding me how lucky I am.

I hope all the signs around town stay up forever as a reminder to everyone how lucky we are and how important the life of that little girl is. She and her family have touched my heart in more ways than one.

At Christmas Time

I read a very sad story today and this was the final line to it.

Pray for the brokenhearted. Smile at people. Just be kind. Love one another.

I can't think of a better Christmas gift than for everyone in the world to read that one line and practice it - even just for one day. See how much better you feel in your life and then just continue to live it. Our would would be such a better place to live.

Sister's Best Friend

My sister's dog was hit by a truck today and killed. It happened right in front of her house and she and her husband had to take care of him and bury him in the back yard. He died instantly. He was her baby, her best friend.

I loved Frankie too, but mostly because of how much he meant to my sister. She and her husband got him right after he was born and it was the first thing they truly did together - raise him. She was so attached to the pup and he to her that whenever she would leave the room or the house, he would cry. He was big for a puggle but was her lap dog. Frankie loved his cousin Lyla too.

I'm so sad for the family to suffer this loss and sad my daughter is sad. She knows what happened and sincerely cried for a good five minutes about how much she'll miss him. I was honest as per usual with her and said he was hit by a truck in the road and killed.

Tonight she wanted to draw a picture for her auntie - she drew a road and was going to draw a truck and the dog. At first I was horrified. My husband laughed at the sickness of it. She got upset with me that I didn't like her picture.

How do you explain to a four year old that drawing a picture of what happened will hurt someone and it's more important to make them a picture that will make them happy?

Let me tell you, it was hard and I'm still not sure she understood. Maybe when she asked me how he died, I didn't have to be so honest? I keep second guessing myself and am certain no matter what I tell her, tomorrow when she sees my sis, she'll say something potentially offensive. But only because she's a child and doesn't truly understand other's feelings just yet. She's genuinely sad but not able to completely comprehend how it affects others.

Regardless of what happens, it's a sucky thing. I'm worried about my sis and my daughter. The truth sometimes really hurts.

Lyla and Frankie watching TV together.

What Do You Say?

This week I was in Bristol visiting my mom when the verdict came in. Aaron Hernandez was convicted of first degree murder and sentenced to life without the possibility of parole.

I grew up in Bristol where Aaron grew up. My mother works at the same school his mother works and they are friends. This whole fiasco has been a nightmare for his mom and my mother feels for her as do we all.

What do you say to her? I just pulled out my little stationary cards to write her a note to let her know I'm thinking of her. You can't say you're sorry your son is a convicted murderer. You can't say you're sorry he'll never live another free day in his life. You can't even say you're sorry. So what do you say?

People were so caught up in this trial. If Hernandez did kill that man he's got his punishment. If he didn't, he's stupid for not just telling the truth of what happened. Either way, I feel no one will ever know what happened. And regardless, he's paying for the crime. I feel so bad for his family and know that the town I grew up in did not cause this.

So, Mrs. Hernandez, I'm so sorry this happened to your family. I'm sorry you'll forever wonder what did actually happen that night. And most importantly, I'm sorry your son wasn't who you thought he was. Now everyone go about your business and leave the family alone.

Boston

The Snowflake Project; Feeling the Love for Sandy Hook

In the wake of the Sandy Hook tragedy, the CT PTSA created the Snowflake Project to decorate the new school for the survivors of Sandy Hook school.  It was a wonderful idea and the country and the world answered.

In fact they answered so much so that they had to close the project due to the overwhelming response as well as put a call out for volunteers to help sort through all the boxes that came in.  I was lucky enough to hear about the call for volunteers and immediately set up time to help.  I even emailed some friends to join me.

Tonight my neighbor, a friend, and I drove an hour and a half to the CT PTSA to help sort through the mail.  When we arrived there were "No Press" signs on the door so I felt uncomfortable taking photos.  Nevertheless the sight amazed me.  Boxes and boxes upon boxes of mail and that was just one room.  All through out the office beautiful snowflakes were hung and the women were working overtime sorting through the mail.

We were immediately put to work and shown the ropes.  Every piece of mail had to be opened, return addresses kept, cards sorted, snowflakes sorted, etc.  It was a job alright.  And I can't imagine how many boxes they had already gone through.

I got to work and was immediately struck with a sense of sadness and pride.  It was so sad that something like this had happened - I mean too sad for words.  But I was so proud of all the people all over the world who had responded with kind words, snowflakes, and donations.  It was unreal (and like I said, who knows how many boxes had already been opened!).

Every day we hear about sad things, crazy people, tragedies, and violence.  The news is so depressing, I actually refuse to watch it.  Being there tonight and seeing all the amazing things people spent time sending was so heart warming I felt so proud to be part of it; and though I was only there for two hours, I felt I had made a difference and genuinely helped.

Some of the amazing things I saw I feel the desire to share.  People are so creative and generous.

• Snowflakes made of:  macaroni, pipe cleaners, all different colors and types of paper, wallpaper, coffee filters, wrapping paper, ceramic, wax paper, stickers, yarn, popsicle sticks, foam...
• Large banners with tons of signatures and condolences.
• Cards for the victims from perfect strangers.
• One middle school in Indiana even got the entire school in the gym; half were on the bleachers and half formed a heart on the floor.  Every single student made a heart with their hands and they took a photo. They printed a huge photo and sent it.  It was, I don't know. I can't describe it.  Beautiful.
• Local offices of big time chains like Bank of America, Wendy's, Whole Foods, etc sent hand cut snowflakes while others like Sephora sent beautiful 3D snowflakes.
• A huge box of hand made and drawn snowflakes from a school for autism.  The letter and the unique snowflakes made my eyes tear up.
• A large box of brand new stuffed animals, hand made fleece blankets, porcelain snowflakes hand painted but an entire community for every child at Sandy Hook, and a big box of school supplies.

And the list goes on...

Again I was there for only two hours but the women had been there for weeks sorting.  Can you feel the love yet?  The outpouring affection, love, support, and prayers for the Sandy Hook community?

It is so sad that something like this had to happen yet it brings us together in a way we can't explain.

Every single state in the United States was represented and many countries around the world with the mail that arrived.  I took photos of the pins they put on the maps.

I'm so glad I was able to help.  I'm so glad the world was able to help too.  And just know that if you sent something, it was opened, cared about, and shared.  Thank you and thank you CT PTSA.

To end, I'll leave you with a quote from President Obama that affected me so much as I'm sure it will you:

"When I visited Newtown last month, I spent some private time with many of the families who lost their children that day. And one was the family of Grace McDonnell. Grace's parents are here. Grace was seven years old when she was struck down – just a gorgeous, caring, joyful little girl. I'm told she loved pink. She loved the beach. She dreamed of becoming a painter. And so just before I left, Chris, her father, gave me one of her paintings, and I hung it in my private study just off the Oval Office. And every time I look at that painting, I think about Grace. And I think about the life that she lived and the life that lay ahead of her, and most of all, I think about how, when it comes to protecting the most vulnerable among us, we must act now – for Grace. For the 25 other innocent children and devoted educators who had so much left to give. For the men and women in big cities and small towns who fall victim to senseless violence each and every day. For all the Americans who are counting on us to keep them safe from harm. Let's do the right thing. Let's do the right thing for them, and for this country that we love so much.^[7]"

God bless the families of the Sandy Hook tragedy.  Every one of them and may you find peace.  Know that we are all still thinking and praying for you.  Much love from me and my family in East Lyme, CT.

A Letter to Those Who Need It

Dear Sad, Lonely, Depressed, Unhealthy Youth,

I don't know you.  Perhaps many people don't.  You may be a smart and promising individual yet weighed down by things you don't understand.  There are not many people in your life who really care about you and for that I'm sorry.  But there may be many people out there that want to care about you.

You've grown up in the background watching life go by instead of being a player in your life.  Why?  Perhaps you were too shy?  Maybe you were bullied or always put down?  It could be just as simple as having a low self esteem or some type of disability.

I am sorry.  I am sorry you have no one to turn to.  I am sorry you are sad and lonely.  I am so sorry you feel worthless.  I feel sad for you and wish things were different for you.  You see, I'm a caring person.  So even though I don't know you personally, I know you are out there and if you need someone to care, I do.

But most importantly, the purpose of this letter is to give you hope.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel as cliche as it sounds.  I've been in a dark place once too and when it seemed the hole I was living in couldn't become deeper or more wide that was just when life happened and things turned around.  I made it out okay and I know you can too.

By no means am I saying this is easy and it just happens because that is not the case.  Anything in this world that you want you must work for.  If you work hard you can achieve anything.  And I know just getting to the point when you feel you can make a change is the hardest part so this is why I'm writing to you.  I'm here to give you hope and courage to make a difference right now.  Don't wait for a new year or a new week or even a new day.  No matter when you're reading this letter you can make that change right now.  Realize that there are other people out there wanting to help and care.  All you have to do is find them.  

So when it seems you are at a loss for what to do next, don't ever think it's time to give up, do something tragic, or take the easy way out.  Know help is out there and people do care.  Just ask and keep moving.  It will get better, you'll see.  I promise.

Sincerely,

A random girl that cares about you

A Heavy Heart

My blog has been on hiatus as I attempt to finish up so many last minute Christmas errands (because I'm WAY behind!). I have lots of stories coming your way, including:  another Christmas tree saga (yup it happened again!), some holiday lights photos, and even a guest post.  Someday, you'll get to read them all!

But for now, I'm doing my best to float through life unscathed after this school shooting that happened last week.  And you all must know what I'm talking about so I don't want to hyperlink to some sad story about the shooting of more than 20 people including so many kids at a sleepy, Connecticut town.  

I have things to do, work to report on, and so many other things yet I can't help but worry about those poor families who have lost someone. Especially those little kiddos.  My heart is breaking for those families.  Every time I give Lyla a hug or kiss or she does something super cute or silly I want to cry.  So many what ifs out there that I'm sure is plaguing so many other parents.

I'm not going to sit here and blog about about gun control, school safety and the like.  I'm just going to be here and be sad.  It's all I can do.  I am praying for the families, we've donated money, and I am doing my best as a parent to make sure Lyla is safe as best as I can.

With a heavy heart we will all have Christmas and feel blessed for what we have.  

Kids? Really? WTF

I am so angry right now at this horrible child murderer.  How can you kill kids!  Kids!  Innocent children in kindergarten.  Really?

This is the saddest thing I'd ever imagine to happen in my state.  How sick do you need to be?  My heart breaks for those families who lost a child or loved one.  I feel sick to my stomach and am grateful me nor my loved ones have been affected.

Why can't we all just get along and be peaceful?  What is with all the violence?  Am I safe in the store, at a movie theater or sending my kids to school anymore?  When will it end?

Circle of Life

On my Facebook Timeline today:

The death of my cousin's ex husband and father to her 10 year old boy and right above that the birth of an old friend's baby girl.

The circle of life in action, on Facebook.  A sad yet precious day. Life is short, hug those you love.  Tell those you love that you love them, every day. Live each day as it's your last.  Cherish those around you and the new wonders in your life.

It Could Have Happened...

Last week I had a heart attack - not literally but my heart was attacked.  To quote an awesome song...

"Tears stream down your face, when you lose something you cannot replace."

While Jared was away, my iMac crashed.  It was just black and I couldn't get it to work.  I didn't think much of it and figured Jared would fix it when he came home.

No dice.

He called Apple and they needed to look at it so he brought it to a Mac repair store.  That night, he said it was backed up but he wasn't sure if it worked.

There wasn't even a second of hesitation, the tears literally came streaming down my face.  Lyla was eating dinner, Jared was cooking, and I was standing at the counter crying, no sobbing.  The more I thought about the things I had on my hard drive the harder I cried.  

All my photos, all of them.

My writing from the last 15 years.

My projects I've created.

The letters I've been writing to Lyla since she was a plus sign on the EPT test.

Videos

The lot

All of it.

Lyla was getting worried so I went into the dining room and literally collapsed on the floor hyperventilating at the thought of the loss.  On my hands and knees, Jared came over to rub my back and said he did all he could and it should work but he wasn't 100%.  He felt awful, naturally.

I could not calm down. My hysterical fit lasted about 25 minutes.  I was resigned to wait for the outcome but I couldn't help feeling it was over - it was all gone.  I thought and thought about it and just knew it was gone.

They were able to fix my computer and when Jared brought it home, he plugged in the back up to restore my Mac.  It was Friday morning and he should have been at work but he knew how worried I was.  Bad news, he couldn't find it.  My folders were there but nothing was in them.  He looked like he was going to cry because of my first reaction to the thought of losing everything.  I was so sad I had no reaction.

He took the back up and the Mac back to the guys who fixed it and left it in their hands hoping for a miracle.  All day I waited on pins and needles wondering what was going to happen. Was my life erased or did I have it still? My only saving grace was the writing and photos I had on my blog. I'd have something...

The phone call finally came in, they had found it.  It was there, all backed up. I was okay. I was whole.  A huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders and I felt liberated.  It could have happened but it didn't.  I could have lost everything but luckily my husband backs up and even though he couldn't find it, it was there.

My life on my Mac is irreplaceable.  I would have never had those items again.  Now I know to cherish them always.  And keep the most important files on a thumb drive in my purse at all times!

In any event, I calmed down and just hugged my hubby.

Do you back up?  You should...

Hunger Pains

I'm supposed to be working now but one brief glance at the news and the fact that cat is still missing (in case you wanted to know), my attention is all but gone.

29,000 kids under 5 dead in Somalia due to the famine.  Holy crap! I know things like this are happening all the time but seeing something so bold like that breaks my heart.  Ugh, I hate the news!  

But really this makes me think.  Every time Lyla eats, I'm throwing out uneaten food, food thrown on the floor, and just wasting.  Our society is so wasteful while other people all over are starving.  What if there was a way we could not be wasteful.  What if there was a "No Wasting Police Force"? They come to your house on a weekly basis and examine how much food waste you have.  You start getting fined for excessive waste.  If someone was going to charge me every time I threw out a bad piece of fruit, I think I would try harder not to waste it; but it's not like I am trying to waste it.  This is probably ridiculous but think about it.  I would think twice when shopping about perishable items. I would try so hard not to let Lyla waste food; but let's face it I already do.  There is only so much you can do with a 1 year old.  I feel like I'm talking in circles here.

I looked up what I can do to help those in Somalia but they just want my money.  I can't really run a can drive now, can I.  Can I?  I'm sure shipping a bunch of cans over to Somalia is easy peasy... But I don't like donating my money without knowing it's actually going to those in need.  I'm very weary of charities.

So what to do, what to do?  I don't feel just little ol me can make a difference in Somalia but I can do something about those in need locally.  Right before I had Lyla I was donating my time to help at the local Care and Share food pantry.  They stopped calling for help after the first time I was unable to help.  One thing I noticed is that so many people would come in and make donations.  With food prices the way they are these days I can understand how some families may be strapped for cash when it comes to food.  People from our community help them by donating food.

That is what I will do. I will make a point to start donating more regularly to the food pantry to help our community.  I may not be able to do anything for those poor people in Somalia, but I will make a better effort to help those in my own community.  I hope you will as well.

In the meantime, prayers for Somalia are needed people.

Just Incredible

The Google Blog of Note today is this. Just reading the headline made me tear up.  What a brave girl, eh?  I went through her bucket list to see if I could help or do anything for her but it seems I cannot, can you?  

It's just incredible that after being blog of note, she has many fans and has been able tor raise more than $30,000!

I just wanted to share this in hopes that you all wanted to support her as well.

My Grandfather

He was a hero.

Gram, Gramp, and my uncle Al

So Long, Gramps

My grandfather, Pasquale D'Amato was an amazing man.  I can't even sit here and type out why because I could be here for weeks.  Just trust me.  He passed away last night at a ripe old age of 94.  He lived a long life and I am proud to have been with him and part of his family.  We were all there last night when he left us and I will never forget him for all my life.  Thinking of you always, gramps.

Me and gramps when I was little.  See how tolerant he was of little girls?!