Showing posts with label I am Thankful. Show all posts
Showing posts with label I am Thankful. Show all posts

Friday, April 01, 2016

I am Lucky. I am Grateful.

I can’t imagine what anyone goes through when a close loved one has cancer.

I can’t imagine what a parent goes through when their child has cancer or any terminal illness or that matter.

I’m at a total loss to understand what that is like.

Every night, I pray to God to keep my child safe and healthy. That is all I want. It doesn’t keep me up at night worrying because I know sometimes you have no control of those two things; safe and healthy. I’m not asking for the world.

About a year ago I came to hear about a young girl in my town who has cancer; she’s 9 years old. She was doing well and then the cancer came back for the third time. People rallied all around town. They put up signs (similar to the politician yard signs) to show their support for her and her family. I started following her updates on Facebook to see how she was doing. Every day as I drove around town, I would see the signs everywhere and think of her and they made me smile. Sometimes, I’d see the signs and cry worried for her and her family. I’d cry not being able to understand what they were going through or feeling so helpless; nothing I could do will help her or any child with cancer for that matter. Helpless. Sad for her and her family. Thankful my children are healthy.

I’ve never met this family or this little girl. But every day I see those signs or I see updates; they are on my mind constantly.

The way they are bravely facing this challenge blows my mind. Her mother is so eloquent and so strong. The little girl has this smile that lights up on my screen as if she has conquered the world. And I think she has. I’m in my thirties and still can’t figure out life but she, at nine years old, didn’t have a choice. She grew up fast and with all that I’ve read about her plus photos I’ve seen, she has figured it out. This family, bravely going where I’ve never been before, and doing it with such grace. I admire them. I grieve for them. I pray for them.

Most importantly, I’m thankful for them. Because every day when my healthy children wake up, I know how blessed I am. Maybe I had a rough day, maybe my kids aren’t listening, maybe they were driving me crazy. But I have them and they are healthy. I am so Goddamn lucky. I am so thankful to that family for always reminding me how lucky I am.

I hope all the signs around town stay up forever as a reminder to everyone how lucky we are and how important the life of that little girl is. She and her family have touched my heart in more ways than one.

Wednesday, March 30, 2016

I'm Okay, Really

After my post yesterday, I got some phone calls and messages from concerned loved ones. I'm okay, really. I promise.

I love to write what I feel and that particular day was a rough one. But after writing it, I felt better because writing is my therapy. So thank you all for your concern but I'm okay, really.

Now I have to go stop my toddler from eating food off the floor...

Friday, January 01, 2016

Resolutions are a Load of Crap and All that Jazz

If you woke up this morning on January 1, 2016 and thought "Today is the day!" - Good luck with that...

No matter what you plan to do for 2016, remember it was just yesterday that we rang in 2000. We all survived into the next century - 16 years went by like the snap of my fingers. If we've learned anything at all this past year and every year it's this:

There are never enough hours in the day.
Unless that day is hellish and then it drags on like wildfire.

The days go by fast.
Try not to wish for it to be over.

We grow and our kids grow.
Cherish your time with them even during the rough times.

Stay in the present.
Stop wishing for tomorrow, next week, or month.

There is only one life to live.
Live it to the fullest.

So don't make a list and try to stick to it. Throw it away. Just try to...

Be happy. Be healthy. Be kind.

Done. Enjoy 2016. One more snap of the finger and it will be gone.

Friday, November 30, 2012

I am Thankful: I did it!

I am thankful for so many things.  And to show my gratitude to the inventors of Thanksgiving, I will post every day during November to share all I'm thankful for.  We should be thankful for what we have every day of our lives and I'm hoping my posts will inspire you to do the same!

I'm grateful I spent all of November being thankful every day!

Thursday, November 29, 2012

I am Thankful: For what I have right now

I am thankful for so many things.  And to show my gratitude to the inventors of Thanksgiving, I will post every day during November to share all I'm thankful for.  We should be thankful for what we have every day of our lives and I'm hoping my posts will inspire you to do the same!


Every day it seems I am wanting more. I want another baby. I want more hours in the day. I want more rest time.  I want a dog.  The more I do this the more I realize I never sit down and am grateful for what I have right now.

Things didn't work out according to plan. Or at least I think there was a plan at some point.  Maybe?  Well my plan definitely wasn't to be a 31 year old Director, working from home with one child, a husband, and living in East Lyme, CT.

My plan was like this:
1.  Go to college for something, had no idea for what...
2.  Work my butt off during college to earn as much money as I can.
3.  Graduate.
4.  Buy a one way plane ticket to Norway and tour the rest of Europe I hadn't seen yet on my own.
5.  Wander around until I ran out of money (was hoping for 6 months at least...) and then come home.
6.  Get married and have babies and then turn 30.

So yeah, my plan didn't work out.  I never got to travel.  You know, that little open heart surgery I had...

I met my husband and we waited to have kids.  Now I'm working and things are just going not according to the plans I had made.  I guess more often than not I hear myself feeling regret and saying the coulda, woulda, shoulda. 

But if things had gone according to plan, I'd have not met Jared and I'd not have had Lyla.  Things always work out one way or another.  I need to take a step back and stop feeling regret and just be grateful for the things I do have.  Even though I'm a planner by nature in every thing I do, you can't plan life.  Things always get in the way.

I'm thankful for who and what I have in the here and now.

A song I forgot that I love I wanted to share today.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

I am Thankful: For Christmas

I am thankful for so many things.  And to show my gratitude to the inventors of Thanksgiving, I will post every day during November to share all I'm thankful for.  We should be thankful for what we have every day of our lives and I'm hoping my posts will inspire you to do the same!

Today I am thankful for Christmas! I love Christmas; everything about it.  Lights, food, family, trees, cards, and finding the perfect gift.

Most years I go crazy so Jared had to reign me in this year.  I'm going light, I promise!  I'm so looking forward to spending Christmas with my 2 year old as it is so magical in her eyes!

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

I am Thankful: For my health

I am thankful for so many things.  And to show my gratitude to the inventors of Thanksgiving, I will post every day during November to share all I'm thankful for.  We should be thankful for what we have every day of our lives and I'm hoping my posts will inspire you to do the same!

Today I am thankful for my health.  No matter how shotty it was in the past or how shotty it may be in the future. I have health, as good as it's going to get for me, and I'm thankful for it.

Monday, November 26, 2012

I am Thankful: peanut butter and chocolate


I am thankful for so many things.  And to show my gratitude to the inventors of Thanksgiving, I will post every day during November to share all I'm thankful for.  We should be thankful for what we have every day of our lives and I'm hoping my posts will inspire you to do the same!

Today I am thankful for peanut butter and chocolate.  Enough said, right? Love me some PB and C!

Sunday, November 25, 2012

I am Thankful: for my family


I am thankful for so many things.  And to show my gratitude to the inventors of Thanksgiving, I will post every day during November to share all I'm thankful for.  We should be thankful for what we have every day of our lives and I'm hoping my posts will inspire you to do the same!

Today I am thankful for my family.  The whole clan!

We had our second annual after Thanksgiving party at our house last night and it was a blast.  Jared made home made everything Asian food.
- Fried rice
- Pot stickers
- Edamame
- Three types of wings
- Veggies with Ginger dressing dip

Yum, yum, and YUM!  We don't see our extended family for Thanksgiving so this party allows us all to be together down in our neck of the woods.  We had fun and I'm so thankful for all of them.


Saturday, November 24, 2012

I am Thankful: for my blog

I am thankful for so many things.  And to show my gratitude to the inventors of Thanksgiving, I will post every day during November to share all I'm thankful for.  We should be thankful for what we have every day of our lives and I'm hoping my posts will inspire you to do the same!

I am thankful today for this blog.  I love to write and capture everything about life and this blog helps me keep it organized.  I'm also thankful for whoever decides to read this.  Sometimes my blog is boring, depressing, or funny. I'm thankful I have readers who actually read my blog.

Thank you!

Friday, November 23, 2012

I am Thankful: my dad

I am thankful for so many things.  And to show my gratitude to the inventors of Thanksgiving, I will post every day during November to share all I'm thankful for.  We should be thankful for what we have every day of our lives and I'm hoping my posts will inspire you to do the same!

Today I am grateful for my dad.  I love him so much.

He may be a pain in the butt, totally stubborn, and "always right" but he has the biggest heart around. He gave me my famous nickname (sorry, can't share it!) and to him I'll always be his little girl.

I'm technically his favorite daughter too but only when my sis is not around but if Lyla is around, well, we both lose!  Being a grampa is what he was born to do and he's a great at it.

I am grateful for my dad today and always.

Dad at my wedding

Thursday, November 22, 2012

I am Thankful: for Lyla



I am thankful for so many things.  And to show my gratitude to the inventors of Thanksgiving, I will post every day during November to share all I'm thankful for.  We should be thankful for what we have every day of our lives and I'm hoping my posts will inspire you to do the same!

I've been dreading this, really. I know I'm going to get super emotional and it's too late I'm starting this post right now already emotional.

So to keep this light and to not run out of tissues, I'll do this.

I am thankful for my beautiful, smart, spunky, amazing miracle of a daughter, Lyla.

When I wrote this, it was about this girl of mine.

And finally, an excerpt from my Dear Lyla letters...

Dear Lyla,

I’m a sobbing mess.  We had a good day today. You went to gymnastics and did so well.  I was so proud to be your mommy watching you listening so well and doing adorable cartwheels and rolls.  I was beaming ear to ear watching how much fun you had today.  I’m not an expert but maybe you were destined for gymnastics?  I don’t know but you’re good.

Tonight I sat down with you to read all your library books but you didn’t want to.  I actually started to cry because you wanted to read them “all by myself”.  I sat there wondering if this was it.  Are you done being my baby?  Are you not going to let me read to you anymore?  I was so sad and you noticed.  You ran into the other room to get me pretend medicine.  You gave it to me and said, “Mommy you be better soon.”  My heart leaps with pride knowing how smart you are and how you’ve advanced but inside I’m so sad you’re growing up.  I can’t bear the thought of you getting older and more independent. I just want you to depend on me and need me.  I miss you so much it hurts.  Stop growing up so fast my dear girl.

A mother’s love is so fierce.  I can’t control it.  Even though the umbilical cord is long gone,  I’m still attached and I’ll always be. I’m 100% dedicated to you and your well being.  I am only in this world to care for you.  I don’t care about myself at all, I really don’t.  I only want to be the best mom for you.   

So I’m going to sit here and feel bad for myself.  I’m going to cry that you’re growing up too fast.  I’m going to cry missing the baby you used to be. I’m going to cry knowing this is only the beginning.  You’re not going to be clinging on to me forever.  Your hugs and kisses will surely lessen with time.  You innocent, sweet smile will eventually turn into a growing, mischievous girl’s smile.  You’re only 2 but I know I’m going to blink and you’ll be 22.  I’ll be longing for the days when I sit down to write you a letter about how sad I am.  Sad that I’m enjoying raising you so much that I don’t ever want it to end.  And maybe, technically it won’t but things will never be the same.  And life goes on...

I love you always, 
Mommy

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

I am Thankful: for my Husband

I am thankful for so many things.  And to show my gratitude to the inventors of Thanksgiving, I will post every day during November to share all I'm thankful for.  We should be thankful for what we have every day of our lives and I'm hoping my posts will inspire you to do the same!

Today I am grateful for my darling partner in life; Jared the husband.  It's not every day I sit here and am thankful I have a husband who does all the cooking, takes care of the house, cleans the bathrooms, does the grocery shopping, and is so creative and hard working.  I truly love him dearly and am grateful he's in my life.

I found an old journal from when we first started dating so I wanted to share a passage:

October 10, 2004

It's been a crazy week and despite all, I've realized I'm in love with Jared and if he loves me I'll marry him so he can stay in the country and I've actually been sleeping because of this.  This is craziness I know but I know that since the first time I met him, he was the one for me.  I haven't talked to Jared about this yet.  I have no idea how he feels about this.  So I'm gonna do the good ol' pro and con list to weigh all my options about Jared.  

(and just to make you giggle, some of the pros and cons!)

Pros:
I think I'm in love with him.
Go to the UK a lot!
Tonight he just said (on the phone mind you) he loved me and like a dumbass I hung up!
I've been nicer to Jodie (my sister)
(the last line, added later)  He asked me to marry him, I said "yes"

Cons:
I'm not the healthiest person.
What if he's not honest and uses me?
He double dips!
Don't know if he wants to marry me...

(My brief stint of poetry followed)

The One
If only you could understand
If you knew how you make me feel
The warmth you send when you hold my hand
It means to me a great deal

I love the lines your smile makes
The way your eyes shine bright
I love the length of time it takes
For you to start dreaming at night

Not a minute passes in the day
When I have to wake up and realize
For my thoughts always drift your way
And I get that dreamy look in my eyes

I'm so lucky that I've found you
I was praying for you a ton
You are lucky to have found me too
For I think you are the one


Tuesday, November 20, 2012

I am thankful: for my Brother


I am thankful for so many things.  And to show my gratitude to the inventors of Thanksgiving, I will post every day during November to share all I'm thankful for.  We should be thankful for what we have every day of our lives and I'm hoping my posts will inspire you to do the same!


Today I am thankful for my brother, Michael.

Born at 22 weeks and told he'd not last the night, our brother is a miracle through and through.  He may be a pain in the ass, smart mouthing, and annoying but he's also a blessing to our family.  There has never been a happier soul in the world than Mike.

He keeps our spirits high no matter the circumstance and is always good at making us laugh.  He does have a slight obsession with flags, music, and with getting an iPhone but we love him so much anyways.  I am so grateful to have a brother and that that brother is Mike.

Monday, November 19, 2012

I am Thankful: For my talents


I am thankful for so many things.  And to show my gratitude to the inventors of Thanksgiving, I will post every day during November to share all I'm thankful for.  We should be thankful for what we have every day of our lives and I'm hoping my posts will inspire you to do the same!

Today I am grateful for my talents.

I consider myself talented in certain ways and every one of us each has a talent or two that we're proud of.  It makes us who we are.  I am so thankful for my talent as it gives me a job and makes me feel good about myself.

My talents include:
Events:  I am a talented events director.  I do everything from the big stuff to the minute details and I'm always proud of my work.  I feel like I was born to be a planner and I'm good at it.

Writing:  So maybe I haven't published my books just yet but I consider myself a decent writer and some day I'll really show it off!

Creative:  I consider myself a creative person.  I can never do anything simple; it has to be creative, well thought out, and original.

A Good Person:  Not to toot my own horn but overall I'm a good person.  I don't create conflict, I'm very considerate of others (sometimes too much) and I try to put others first.  I consider this a talent of mine because  I'm good at being good.

Mom:  Sometimes I feel like a failure mom but other times I feel like I'm doing a good job.  I think being a mom is a talent and I'm proud of it.

I think that does it. Unless you call me talented at being stubborn, being indecisive, and talented with regards to being highly emotional in every situation!


Sunday, November 18, 2012

I am Thankful: for my Gram


I am thankful for so many things.  And to show my gratitude to the inventors of Thanksgiving, I will post every day during November to share all I'm thankful for.  We should be thankful for what we have every day of our lives and I'm hoping my posts will inspire you to do the same!

Today I am grateful for my grandmother.

Back in high school, I submitted an article to a teen magazine and it was published and I can actually still find it on the web today. Read my hero essay about my grandma.

Clara the unstoppable!
Words cannot describe my grandmother - without making me soggy mess.  She is amazing in every way of that word.  This is why Lyla's middle name is Clara.

She's been through so much, she's 90 years old, she runs around town like she owns it, still at her age, and she is thoughtful, caring, and honest.  I love my grandmother to pieces.  She is an inspiration to me every day and I can't imagine life without her.  I'm so thankful for my grandmother.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

I am Thankful: my sister

I am thankful for so many things.  And to show my gratitude to the inventors of Thanksgiving, I will post every day during November to share all I'm thankful for.  We should be thankful for what we have every day of our lives and I'm hoping my posts will inspire you to do the same!

Today I am thankful for my sister.

When I was seven years old, she came into this world.  I remember my cousin Brooke was babysitting me and our brother.  My dad called up to tell us she was born and they were deciding between the names Jodie and Julie.  It's odd the random things you remember...

My sister, Jodie, was adorable and my twin - just 7 years younger.  People always said we looked so much alike but I never saw it.  Baby pictures we were totally different since Jo Jo Bean was cursed with a lazy eye.  Every baby photo we have of her one eye is all wonky in the other direction.  It's funny/cute now but I'm sure at the time my mom was stressed about it. 

Eventually that wonky eye got fixed and my sister is as pretty as ever.

After many years of being compared to each other, she finally grew up and became her own wonderful self.  She works at my company, has a nice boyfriend, she has a cute puppy, and just bought her first home.  We never were able to be "friends" in the true sense but now that she's older and I'm older I consider her a true best friend.  I love my sister and I'm so grateful to have her.

Friday, November 16, 2012

I am Thankful: Friday nights!

I am thankful for so many things.  And to show my gratitude to the inventors of Thanksgiving, I will post every day during November to share all I'm thankful for.  We should be thankful for what we have every day of our lives and I'm hoping my posts will inspire you to do the same!

I am thankful for Friday nights.  

Fridays for me suck.  Bad.

I wake up between 5 or 6 in the morning and literally roll right into my office and turn on the computer to work.  I try to get as much done before Lyla wakes up.  Then she's up and we have a whole day together.

We'll go to the park in the morning for an hour, the library, or sit and play.  But I try to get at least 1-2 hours in the morning of just us and no computer or phone.

Some Fridays are stressful if Lyla doesn't nap and gets very irritable in the afternoon.  Usually I'll put a movie on for her around 1:30/2 so I can get more work done solidly.

By 3:30/4 work is done for me (a little perk I give myself after working crazy hours all week).  But it's not fun times, it's cleaning time!  Every Friday my house gets cleaned from top to bottom, sheets are done, things tidied up, etc.  Granted we keep our house clean every day but Fridays it goes from crumbs on the floor to shine (well for five minutes at least!  I do have a two year old...) 

So I spend my late afternoon playing Cinderella dusting, vacuuming, mopping, laundry, etc.  Fun stuff!

By 5:30ish I'm exhausted and I just want to go to bed.  Usually I do a bit more work if needed after Lyla goes to bed and I can see/spend time with the husband by 8:30/9ish.  With exception of today which was more difficult than usual and I literally just finished vacuuming and mopping at 9:30pm.  I sure am a party animal on Friday nights, eh?

So today I'm thankful for Friday nights.  Once the house is cleaned, the child is in bed, and I can FINALLY unwind.  Bottom's up!

Thursday, November 15, 2012

I am Thankful: My Car

I am thankful for so many things.  And to show my gratitude to the inventors of Thanksgiving, I will post every day during November to share all I'm thankful for.  We should be thankful for what we have every day of our lives and I'm hoping my posts will inspire you to do the same!

I am so thankful for my car.  Sometimes it lets me down but for the most part it works.  Not every can afford a car or can drive a car so I am thankful for my car.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

I am Thankful: For Help

I am thankful for so many things.  And to show my gratitude to the inventors of Thanksgiving, I will post every day during November to share all I'm thankful for.  We should be thankful for what we have every day of our lives and I'm hoping my posts will inspire you to do the same!

Today I'm thankful for help.  I don't always ask for help when I need it.  And most times when help is offered, I decline not wanting to "put people out".  So yes, guy at Target, I just suffered trying to lift that heavy box to my car because God forbid I let you help me.  And yes, lady at the grocery store, I will jump up and down repetitively trying to reach the top shelf rather than make you stop to get it for me.

Sometimes help is needed and it's given without being asked or approved.  That is the kind of help I need.  So today I'm thankful for those that help me without me asking or agreeing!
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