I am Lucky. I am Grateful.

I can’t imagine what anyone goes through when a close loved one has cancer.

I can’t imagine what a parent goes through when their child has cancer or any terminal illness or that matter.

I’m at a total loss to understand what that is like.

Every night, I pray to God to keep my child safe and healthy. That is all I want. It doesn’t keep me up at night worrying because I know sometimes you have no control of those two things; safe and healthy. I’m not asking for the world.

About a year ago I came to hear about a young girl in my town who has cancer; she’s 9 years old. She was doing well and then the cancer came back for the third time. People rallied all around town. They put up signs (similar to the politician yard signs) to show their support for her and her family. I started following her updates on Facebook to see how she was doing. Every day as I drove around town, I would see the signs everywhere and think of her and they made me smile. Sometimes, I’d see the signs and cry worried for her and her family. I’d cry not being able to understand what they were going through or feeling so helpless; nothing I could do will help her or any child with cancer for that matter. Helpless. Sad for her and her family. Thankful my children are healthy.

I’ve never met this family or this little girl. But every day I see those signs or I see updates; they are on my mind constantly.

The way they are bravely facing this challenge blows my mind. Her mother is so eloquent and so strong. The little girl has this smile that lights up on my screen as if she has conquered the world. And I think she has. I’m in my thirties and still can’t figure out life but she, at nine years old, didn’t have a choice. She grew up fast and with all that I’ve read about her plus photos I’ve seen, she has figured it out. This family, bravely going where I’ve never been before, and doing it with such grace. I admire them. I grieve for them. I pray for them.

Most importantly, I’m thankful for them. Because every day when my healthy children wake up, I know how blessed I am. Maybe I had a rough day, maybe my kids aren’t listening, maybe they were driving me crazy. But I have them and they are healthy. I am so Goddamn lucky. I am so thankful to that family for always reminding me how lucky I am.

I hope all the signs around town stay up forever as a reminder to everyone how lucky we are and how important the life of that little girl is. She and her family have touched my heart in more ways than one.

Count Your Blessings Wednesday

All hail the return of Count Your Blessings Wednesday - at request of a friend.

I can't say I'll always have time or remember but I shall try my best!

Today, I'm grateful for:

1. Lyla, my strong-will, smart, & beautiful daughter.
2. Brighton, my ridiculously adorable son.
3. Jared, my amazingly helpful, handy-man husband who I love most of the time!

I'm a lucky girl!

So Much Love, So Much Gratitude

Today, I almost cried tears of happiness.

(Let's face it, I cry pretty much every day over something. Jared is convinced this is the worst pregnancy ever because I'm all over the freaking place. I could be sitting on the couch and he's talking to me about dinner and 5 seconds later I'm balling my eyes out for God only knows what reason.)

But today, I sucked it up and held it in. I realized how much love and care I have in this world. All it took was a little email sentence. A quick text message. A short ping on the computer. Friends, semi-friends, acquaintances, people I've never met, people who know me online only, people who work with me but never personally met me. It's all these people who are out there interacting with me in some way or another who care.

These are the people checking in on me. Asking me how I feel (and meaning it). Hoping I have a great day (and meaning it). Wishing me luck with the baby. Each and every day there is someone out there (more than one actually) filling me up with proof that there are good people in this world still. There are still people that care about others and their well-being.

It's quite ironic because every day we are filled with only horrible stories of people on the news. I don't see enough or hear enough of the good stuff. It really makes my day when I see the good stuff first-hand, directed at me. I am truly lucky.

So here's a big thank you to everyone in this world that is a good person. Someone who genuinely cares. And the boy in my belly says thank you too since he's literally kicking and shoving me from the inside to let his thoughts be known (or so I'm pretending).

Thank you!

Count Your Blessings Wednesday

Today I'm grateful for ME! It is my birthday after all...

I share my birthday with:

3 coworkers (3 that I know of but there could be more!)
1 cousin
Eva Mendez - She's way older than me for the record...
Matt Lucas - who coincidentally is hilarious just like me...
Jake Lloyd - may the force be with you
Neil Jackson - hubba, hubba

It's not too exciting a day as I had all my birthday celebrations this past weekend. But I'm having fun nonetheless working. For real.

Thanks in advance to all those birthday wish comments I will not be getting on this here blog. See? Hilarious.

My Four Leaf Clover

Today I'm grateful for my four leaf clover aka my little girl, Lyla.

A friend sent me this awesome article about redheads.

This part was so cool to read:

"...those with red hair and blue eyes the rarest minority in the world, with only 1% having both.

So, each one is about as rare as a four-leaf clover."

I don't have any red heads in my family but Jared's grandmother was a ginger. Then I saw this part:

"Extensive research conducted by BritainsDNA has found that more than 40% of the population carry the mutated MC1R gene that's responsible for red hair."

This proves that my ginger haired darling is a red head due to her daddy's genes for sure.

So feast your eyes on my beautiful 1% of the population, four leaf clover lucky daughter. Red hair, blue eyes, and special.

Count Your Blessings Wednesday

The evidence...

Walking out to my car today while carrying my 3 y/o (so her pretty shoes wouldn't get full of snow), my purse, my coat, and my car keys, I slipped on ice hidden under the snow and fell. Hard.

Let me tell you, being in your 30s and falling is really not cool. Back as a teen, falling would have not even registered as a blemish on my day. But this old, man I feel it!

I fell directly on my knee ripping a hole in my favorite polka dot leggings. It hurt so f'ing bad! Because the ground was frozen and so were the pebbles of my pebble driveway, I had mini rocks stuck to my knee and my hands. It was a sucky feeling and I felt bad I was so upset with Lyla right there.

So I did what any 30 something would do after falling on the ice and ripping her favorite polka dot leggings. After dropping off Lyla to school I went to McDonalds and got an unhealthy breakfast to make myself feel better. Then I stopped at CVS for a pack of Oreos and a Reese's egg, also to make myself feel better. I additionally called my mom and dad to come over to my house and put a "head band" on my booboo (See, Lyla calls a band-aid a head band and it's so freaking cute I refuse to correct here!).

When I got home and after looking at the knee, it's definitely the size of a softball and I probably won't be able to walk tomorrow. Fun times!

But the moral of the story and why I'm grateful today is for my daughter, Lyla. I fell and as soon as she got up and looked at me upset she said: "It's okay, momma. You're going to be just fine. Don't worry, you'll be okay." And she rubbed my hand. So even though my knee is still throbbing and I'm going to drown my pain in junk food today, I know I have a good kid who is so caring and thoughtful. And I'm proud to have taught her that. So today I'm thankful for her.

Count Your Blessings Wednesday

Last night when I was putting Lyla to bed, I was thinking about my strengths and weaknesses. And I was thinking about how some of those double as a strength and a weakness. So I'm grateful for those today.

Some of my characteristics that could be a good thing or a bad thing include the following:

1. I can confidently admit that I possess the ability to sing every Disney Princess song by heart. Thanks to both my previous obsessions with The Little Mermaid back in the day and Lyla's current obsession with Princess everything. Makes it fun to sing to her at bed time but at the same time I think I need to get a life.
2. I have an OCD need to make sure my child is A: always clean, B: always matching, C: always with a nice hair do, and D: perfect looking every second of the day. Again, this is a good thing because I care and at the same time, she's a kid and I need to let loose a little. Shouldn't I? I definitely annoy her, I'm sure, with the fixing of the hair, rearranging of the outfit, etc while she's playing and stuff.
3. Snood. There I said it. I am obsessed with Snood. Again. I used to play this game in college and it would keep me up at night. And let's face it, all these new games on the phone people are playing like Candy Crush and Angry Birds suck compared to good ol' Snood on the computer. I play this game every day during work while on conference calls. That way I'm paying attention to people talking and not reading emails yet I'm not bored. I've yet to admit this to anyone I work with but I'm sure they do wonder about the constant clicking that takes place while the talk to me. So yes I'm paying more attention to my calls but playing a rater addicting game. Hold that thought...(I literally had to go play a game after talking about it. I'm weak.)

I think that's enough bashing of myself for today. But I am grateful for these oddities of myself! Happy Hump Day!

Count Your Blessings Wednesdays

I'm grateful to be a homeowner. NOT. My wallet is seriously dry.

Count Your Blessings Wednesday

Today I am grateful for fate. I totally believe in fate and the fact that everything happens for a reason. I'm always curious what is going to happen next or why things are or aren't happening to me. Then I remember, there is a reason for it all.

The hard part is determining when fate will do it's magic or when you need to intervene and make things happen yourself. So many things in my life happened because of fate; because they were meant to happen. Every one single decision I've ever made in my life has become a path to where I am now. If I go back and have regrets or wish I'd taken a different road, it always comes back to then I wouldn't be married to Jared and we wouldn't have Lyla.

I'll never forget the day I was driving to the mall and talking to my friend. I was dating Jared and it hadn't been too long. After just having come out of a five year relationship from high school and through college, I was in no hurry to settle down and find the one. I wanted to be on my own, I had plans for traveling and exploration, and I didn't want my heart to be broken again. I couldn't decide about Jared. It was complicated because he was from England and not a citizen. Our relationship was stressful from the start. I yelled out loud, I just need a sign! Is Jared who I'm supposed to be with! I came up over a hill and there staring at me right in the face was a giant FORD sign. They had just put up a new Ford dealership on my route to the mall and the sign was the biggest sign I'd ever seen. I was dumbfounded because first of all, Jared's last name is Ford and second of all, I wasn't expecting a literal sign. It was right then I realized the universe was obviously talking to me at the right moment - I had just asked the question and there was the sign and it wasn't a Chevy sign, it was Ford. Couldn't have been more obvious!

That day, fate intervened and changed all of my plans. I decided to let my guard down and fell in love with Jared. We got engaged, I moved in, and I took all the savings I had for traveling the world and started paying bills. That one stupid dealership sign was the one of the biggest changes in my life. Not that I regret anything but what if it had been a Chevy sign? I'd have to go find someone named Chevy!

In any event, I'm grateful for fate and what's been done can't be undone. I look forward to all the new adventures I am bound to have as I follow my heart and the signs.

Count Your Blessings Wednesday Rant

The internet makes people evil and cowards.

If you read comments on news articles, Facebook, tweets, comments on YouTube, etc, you'll know what I mean. The internet allows you anonymity. It allows you to argue with people all over the world without ever looking into their eyes. You can say how you really feel pretty much without repercussions. 

I'm sure you've seen it all over the news here and there about people taking a stand to cyber bullying. And yes, I feel if someone is being disrespectful to you online in anyway, that is cyber bullying. 

Remember there is someone on the other side of that computer and they are a person. They have feelings. We don't all agree with everything and people are entitled to their opinions. But don't be a coward and make a rude remark to a perfect stranger with a keyboard. Grow the fuck up.

If you can't behave on the internet then stay away. No one wants you and your rude comments.

As my mom always said, if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Today I'm grateful for people who don't post rude messages but choose to only post positive things. They make the world a better place. As for the rest of you A holes, I'm not grateful for you. I almost wish a natural disaster would shut you up (you know, turn off your internet, come on people! I'm advocating for not being mean on the internet. I would never want a natural disaster to kill mean people!).

Count Your Blessings Wednesday

It's Wednesday. Almost half way through the work week and hectic at my house as ever. Constantly on the go, working, going back and forth to swimming, trying to eat right, trying to be happy.

I need to spend today being grateful for what I have but I'm in a rut feeling sad for the things I don't have. And by things, I don't mean diamonds, BMWs, etc. I mean other, more important things.

So with that, I pose a question to anyone out there who reads this. When are you done and happy? When is there nothing else you need, want? When can you throw up your hands and just be grateful for what you have and content you don't need anything more? Just think about it.

I know I'll get to that point, eventually. Some day. But for now, I need to force myself to be grateful for what I have.

Count Your Blessings Wednesday

Today I'm grateful for a few minor things.

1. My child woke up at 2am to pee on her own - small victory!
2. I've lost 20 lbs! More on this development at another time.
3. I am currently tan... sound the alarm! I am not blending in with the wall!
4. My daughter can swim on her own! Whoohoo!
5. The summer is going along swimmingly; pun intended.

Have a great week!

Count Your Blessings Wednesday

Today I'm grateful for life.

I'm grateful for my daughter.

I'm grateful for my husband.

I'm grateful for my family and friends, my job, and my home.

Count Your Blessings Wednesday

This is what I'm grateful for today.

Lyla: you came all the way from work to get me?!?!
Me: Yup! I missed you!
Lyla: Mommy, I love you very much.

Count Your Blessings Wednesday

Daffodils all over!

Today I'm so grateful the weather is warmer! Yesterday I drove home from work with all the windows down and dancing to the music. It was so invigorating. I love spring in Connecticut!

Count Your Blessings Wednesday

Today I'm grateful for:

1. The prospect of warm weather soon, hopefully!
2. Cold, fresh water
3. Mangoes
4. My cell phone.
5. The sound of my daughter's voice.
6. Booking fun trips.
7. Birthday party planning.
8. Coloring.
9. Books.
10. Peanut butter cups.

Count Your Blessings Wednesday

I actually won a giveaway! Can you believe it? Look at the awesome wreaths at this shop. I think they are so fun! I can't wait t pick one out for my home. And funny story, the same week I saw the giveaway I bought my mom a wreath from her shop for mother's day.

image courtesy of WreathinkGifting: https://www.etsy.com/shop/WreathinkGifting?ref=top_trail 

So today, I am grateful for being a winner, literally!  Thanks ctworkingmoms.com!

Count Your Blessings Wednesday

Today I'm grateful for life, writing, this blog, books, my sister, rainbows, and funny photos. In no particular order!

True story, right?

Count Your Blessings Wednesday

Today I am SO INCREDIBLY GRATEFUL!  Our lives are about to change for the better and we are very excited! (and NO I'm not pregnant... jeesh people!)

I can't talk about it just yet but I will, soon.  Our prayers have worked, our perseverance rewarded, and a new chapter will begin.

Count Your Blessings Wednesday

Today I'm going to put a spin on my so many pet peeves to be grateful.

1. I am thankful I don't say "seen it".  I say, "saw it".  I'm thankful I can properly speak the English language and not sound like an uneducated MORON.
2. I am grateful I am not a celebrity patting myself on the back with award show after award show.  Who the FUCK cares? I don't!
3. I am thankful I am not a celebrity because being judged on everything I say, do, and wear is so not cool and those people who think it's cool to gossip about celebs nonstop - get a life!
4. I am thankful it's Lent and I can give up chocolate and mean it.
5. I am thankful I am not crippled and can actually walk into a Dunkin Donuts store rather than wait in a 20+ car line at the drive thru. Really people...?  At least 90% of those people are just being lazy and you know it.  Only people that have young kids in the car AND/OR are handicapped ever have an excuse to always use the drive thru no matter how long the wait is.
6. I am thankful it's JUST SNOW and I will not melt.

Amen.