After School Chats

Man, I wish I had recorded this chat today on the way home from school.

Lyla: Mom, you're going to be so disappointed. I can't even tell you. I can't. I can't. I can't.

Me: What happened? Just tell me.

Lyla: I can't. You're going to be mad.

Me: I'll only be mad if you don't tell me the truth. What happened?

Lyla: Well I lost free choice today.

Me: Why?

Lyla: (whispering) We were playing...

Me: I can't hear you, talk a bit louder please...

Lyla: Well I had two breaks.We were doing a math game with bottles and I said the teacher was drinking beer. And then...

Me: Wait, you were playing a game with bottles and joking around said the teacher was drinking a beer?

Lyla: Yeah...

Me: Okay, we probably shouldn't talk about drinking beer at school...

Lyla: Yeah, I know.

Me: What else...?

Lyla: Well, Javier farted and I said eeeooooooowwwww so I got a break.

Me: (laughing hysterically)

Lyla: Don't laugh it's not funny

Me: (laughing hysterically) I'm sorry, I can't help it. It's not funny, but it is funny.

Lyla: No it's not!

Me: Okay it's not funny to say that when someone farts as that probably hurts their feelings. But the actual conversation of it is funny.

Lyla: Well he was sitting right next to me and he smelled...

Me: (laughing hysterically)

Leave my Daughter Alone Before I Punch You

Yesterday we were eating dinner. My five year old kindergartener says:

Mommy, today a boy told me and my friend to "shut the F up".

I dropped my fork shocked. Usually I was the one saying that. But my daughter knows she's not allowed to and knows it's not very nice.

Today when I dropped her off at school, I almost wanted to park and go in to tell the school they have asshole kids on the playground. Then I was going to have Lyla walk me into the little boy's class and point him out to me. Then I was going to put my face in his face and tell him if he ever talks to my daughter again like that he's going to walk funny for the rest of his life. And that I would also post his full name on social media so anyone who searched him for the rest of his life would see: My name is ____ and at 5 years old I told a little girl to shut the F up. I will have no successful future if I continue like this. Don't hire me if I have not changed. Then I was going to call his parents and blame them and out them to the whole school as bad parents.

Then someone behind me beeped in the drop off line and I woke up from my daydream. And I left well alone. Good mommy.

Kindergarten Advice

My daughter came home from school and this is how the conversation went:

Lyla: Mom, there was a boy on the playground. He's really a brat face! He is not a nice boy at ALL!

Me: Wow, okay, what happened?

Lyla: He touched me and said it would give me a headache and make me puke. And then he chased me all around.

Me: What did you say?

Lyla: I told him he was not being a good friend!

(So naturally, my advice was...)

Me: Well when you see him tomorrow, put your hand on him and say it will make him all sparkly and glittery and full of rainbows! See if he likes THAT!

(Okay so then I realized, I'm the adult, jeesh...)

Me: Remember, you guys all need to keep your hands to yourself. And STOP letting boys touch you!?!

The Rabbit Hole of What Ifs

I dropped my daughter off at kindergarten today. I was beaming with pride as she walked in and started waving to a friend and ran off with them. She was loving this experience and loving school. New friends have been made, new things are being learned, and she is blossoming into a young girl rather than a little girl. It truly makes my heart swell.

On my way home, I saw another kindergarten dad I had met. He was at the same parent orientation as me. That is when my twisted mind started…

Seeing that father made me think back to that orientation.

Thinking back to that orientation reminded me of the questions I asked.

The questions I asked that day included questions about school security, doors being locked, security guards, guards with guns, etc. These days, those questions need to be asked, sadly enough.

Those questions always remind me of the Sandy Hook tragedy. I started thinking of that sad day and the events that happened.

Thinking about that day made me think of Lyla in public school.

My mind immediately remembered her classroom is far down the hall from the front door.

Thinking of that, I began to imagine the horror that is a school shooting at her school.

As my mind domino’d into worse-case scenario mode, I started to cry.

Driving home in my car after dropping her off like I’ve been doing every day - I was crying. Sobbing. What if…?

I screamed in my car, “GOD, keep my baby safe!”

Then I thought about what I could do. Can I homeschool her? Can just turn around and pick her up? Can I put her in a bubble to keep her safe? What can I do?

Just thinking about it again, my eyes are watering.

What can I do? Nothing. There is nothing I can do. I can’t control other people. I can’t smother my child because of all the what ifs in life. I have to have faith and try my best to believe in mankind. Even though most days I completely embarrassed by the things people are doing all around.

You can’t live life scared. You can’t instill fear in your children. You can’t do nothing afraid of all the what ifs.

But here is what I can do…

I can tell my child that I love her over and over again, every day. I can teach her how to be safe. I can teach her to be kind, considerate, and loving. I can show her how to have compassion. I can let her know that I will always try my hardest to keep her safe from harm. I will teach her not to be a bully. I will teach her to stick up for kids who are being bullied. I can tell her to be brave and strong. I can encourage her to be confident and courageous. I can encourage her to pray and love. I can teach her not to judge people and to make sure she understands what I always tell her - that everyone is different and special in their own way. I can remind her to always treat people they way she wants to be treated.

I can do all those things and more. But there are no guarantees. Bad things happen in this world every day. And those bad things can happen to anyone. Just ask those parents from Sandy Hook.

For now, I need to think positively and not let my mind get down the rabbit hole of what ifs. I need to make sure my daughter feels comfortable. I need to let her prosper and grow while she still has her innocence. Because some day she’ll be a mom too; if she’s anything like me (which she is), she may be going down the rabbit hole of what ifs when her daughter goes to school. And at that point, my job still isn’t done. Then I’ll need to be there for her as a mother to tell her those things, teach her those things, and encourage her all over again.

The world has changed. Bad people are everywhere. Anything can happen. But we still have to live life and have faith. And maybe if we all teach our child about good we can stop some of those bad things from happening.

First Day of Kindergarten!

This morning she woke up and yelled at the top of the stairs: Mom! Today is my first day of kindergarten! Yes, she was definitely excited.

I played my role of mammarazzi well and got loads of pics. 

My little girl, a school girl! 

A Wacky Kindergarten Poem

Yes, I stay up until midnight writing wacky poems like this. So whenever I complain how tired I am, tell me to quit the silly poem writing at midnight.

This perfectly captures what has gone on the past few days at my house.

Enjoy!

A Wacky Kindergarten Poem
‘Twas the day before kindergarten and all through the home
Not one edible thing found wherever eyes roam

No candy no chocolate no carbs no ice cream
The momma was eating her feelings it may seem

She could feel all the pimples getting ready to start
But she didn’t care, her little girl, her love, her heart

Just one more bite she had to insist
But she had ate it all and got really pissed

The backpack is set, the clothes and shoes are fine
The little girl excited, the momma needing more wine

But what oh what is the mom going to wear
On the day she meets all the other moms out there

It really won’t matter because nothing fits
Stress and binge eating is most definitely the pits

Jeans, too tight, shirt too small has to go
If only she’d dropped her baby weight 6 months ago

Ooh the Little Mermaid tee, how about this
Crap she’s a ma’am and no longer a miss

What do grownups wear on occasions like these
She doesn’t really associate with old folks if you please

But oh dear she is the same ripe old age
She’s starting to get light-headed now with this stage

Her baby is starting full day school
It’s almost time to close the pool

Summer is over and it went by in a flash
In the blink of an eye, the bat of an eyelash

Now she’s got to find something suitable for herself
All these childish clothes need to go on a shelf

The time has come to admit who she is
A mom of a school-aged girl, a bright little whiz

It doesn’t matter what momma wears this first day
She needs to put the food down and just say

She’s proud of her little schoolgirl to be
Mom will look fine and girl too just wait and see

Now dad has to go shopping cause mom ate it all
And there will be lots of exercising this fall

And maybe next year when kids start at the bus stop
Instead of stress eating, this momma will just binge shop

I'm Ready Because She's Ready

In three days, my firstborn will be starting Kindergarten. When I got the reminder about 9 months ago to register her, I was a basket case. I cried and cried at the mere thought of my beautiful, little girl with a backpack and lunchbox waving goodbye.

Over the past few months I’ve seen loads of articles and stories about kindergarten. Anecdotes for moms to help the prepare. Lots of lists, sad stories, happy stories, and all those in between. I refused to read any of them. The mere mention of what was about to happen and any sappiness around it made my eyes water.

I told myself I’d just lock myself in the bathroom when the time comes and cry it out. I didn’t want to read anything about it. I don’t want tips, I don’t want lists, and I don’t want to read all about how your child is going to be in school every day, 180 days a year until they are 18.

We did our shopping - she has that perfect first day of school outfit. She’s got a big girl backpack and the quintessential Disney’s Frozen lunchbox. She got new sneakers - with ties and not velcro! I even made her a beautiful necklace with a mommy elephant and baby elephant to wear so she always knows I'm watching over her. Most days she’s excited about school starting and other days she is sad because she’ll miss me.

About a month ago we got a letter from her teacher and found out the one other little girl she knows at the school is in her class. Everywhere we went, she told people what school she’d be going to, what teacher she has, about her friend who’s in her class. She was so proud she remembered it all!

Then we got another letter in the mail that she was reassigned a new teacher due to enrollment. She was so sad and worried her friend didn’t get the same teacher as her anymore (the mama bear in me wanted to call the school and make a fuss to have them change it back!). Standing in the kitchen, her eyes lit up and she told me she had an idea. She said, my friend will play on the same playground as me so that means I can play with her after all! Even if she’s not in my class.

Her revelation was so enlightening to her that she was even more excited about school at the thought of the playground and her friend. She was no longer sad about the teacher change - and my maternal instincts to beat someone up calmed down. I realized that it didn’t matter what teacher she had, she was ready for kindergarten and I have to be too.

I have spent the last 5 years and 9 months of course, preparing her for this one moment. The moment when I let her out into a world full of people that are not me. She is about to be independent in a whole other way. I won’t be there to nag her to wash her hands before she eats, or to eat with her mouth closed. I won’t be there to remind her about her manners or to tell her to be careful on the playground. I won’t be there to hug her if she gets her feelings hurt and I won’t be there to glow with pride when she does something amazing.

I won’t be there in person but I’ll be there in her heart. She is a good girl and I’ve taught her well. She is so smart and so ready to learn. And because of that, she is so ready to start big girl school. She is ready so I need to be ready.

I need to have faith in her that she will do the right thing when the time comes. I need to be strong and brave when she does walk into that school without breaking down.

No more tears about her growing up too fast and missing her. It’s time to let her out into the world and just watch her blossom and grow in the best person she knows how to be - the person I taught her to be. I’m ready for Kindergarten.