Friday, January 05, 2018

An Extraordinary Daughter with a Goal and a Drive

Snow days in town means for cancellations and postponements.

Including school, practice, parties, and more. The weather left us with a Saturday dilemma. Go to a birthday party or rescheduled gymnastics team practice.

I told Lyla she had to decide which to go to. It was her decision and I'd support what she decided. Because of the locations, we could not possibly do both.

She was very upset at first so I told her to think about it for a bit. She then came to me with the following:

Lyla: I decided. I am going to gymnastics practice and not the birthday party. I'm serious about gymnastics and I have two meets coming up so I need to be able to do my best. So I need the practice. It's more important to me than going to a birthday party and eating junk food.

I was taken aback for a minute simply because SHE'S 7! And to have that much determination, drive, and discipline at SEVEN is unbelievable.

I look at her in doubt unable to believe she came from me. But I see so much of her father in her so I know where she gets it from for sure. No one can stop her; she has goals and a fever to reach those goals that I've never seen before.

Not only am I proud to be her mother but I'm so excited to see what she achieves. No matter what, she is steering her own path; I am not going to interfere or push or drive any doubts. She alone will drive her passion to extraordinary heights. As high as she wants to go.

My baby girl - so grown up. My baby girl - pushing the limits and making something of herself. So incredibly proud.

Saturday, December 23, 2017

Bon Voyage 2017


Goodbye 2017...

I’m not sad to see you go. To me, 2017 was a shit year.

On the surface, it would appear to everyone around me that it was fantastic. But to me personally, it’s been a struggle.

Just admitting to that is hard. But even more so, it makes me sad.

In 2017, our daughter went from being a gymnast for fun to an actual competitive one. She has competed in 3 meets coming in first place all around in one and 2nd place all around in another one. She’s a determined, strong young lady with so much drive that I can’t help but see so much of her father in her. Everything she does, she works hard for and does it well. She’s a fighter - growing so strong and more beautiful every day.

Even with all she’s accomplished this past year, 2017 was still a struggle for me.

In 2017, our son just turned 3! Already! He’s so freaking smart and very fresh - but only for me. He took to potty training like a champ and is thriving at his new school. A decision I made and felt guilty for for a long while. He wants to be just like his sister and is not afraid to ask for privacy in the bathroom or tell me to stop singing if I’m annoying him. Though he can be a total pain, he’s the sweetest boy and I’m so grateful to be his mom.

My sweet boy is growing and doing well but still 2017 was a struggle for me.

My husband needed an outlet for work stress and had a desire to get fit. He has been at the gym almost every day for months now and has lost a lot of weight. He looks fantastic, is in a better place, and is healthy. I’m so proud of his progress and dedication to getting fit. He’s been an inspiration.

But 2017 was still a struggle.

I got a promotion at work, did some really awesome things, and took on the task of a working mom like a hurricane. Driving from one thing to the next, doing fun things with the kids, and making sure they were a part of something amazing. I struggled, but I did it.

We all have our health.

We have a roof over our heads.

We have enough money for what we need.

We have family and friends.

But 2017 was still a struggle, for me.

So with all we have accomplished, I’m sad how much 2017 was a struggle for me.

The personal struggles I’ve been through this year are just that, personal. I have avoided writing about it hence have avoided writing in general. And a non writing writer is the worst kind.

Someday I will talk or write about it but for now, it’s still going on. I’m just not ready.

I’d like to sit here and say 2018 will be better but I’m not going to lie to myself. I have no idea what 2018 will bring.

All I know is that I will try my best to not struggle for 2018. I want more than anything to thrive. One day at a time, I hope I can get there.

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Laugh Until You Cry - It's Good For You!

My husband sent me a video. I was just about to start my work day so I clicked on it.

A video of He-Man and Skeletor dancing - completely innocent.

That's when I lost more than ten minutes of my day.

Laughing.

Then crying because I was laughing.

Then wheezing because I was crying from laughing so hard.

But I was all by myself - home alone. There was no one to share in my joy. So I set up to record myself for proof. I couldn't stop.

I realized that I hadn't laughed that hard in a long time. The mere thought of that made the crying start. Crying and hysterical laughing. Then I had to dial into a conference call. Still laughing and crying while trying to calm down. Which made me laugh and cry even harder. Then I had to unmute my line while sniffling and snorting to then explain why which made it start again. Thank goodness for the mute button.

So here I am laughing, crying, the works! Someone totally made my day today and I'm grateful!

Today, have a good laugh. I feel like a million bucks!

Enjoy the video of me below and of course don't miss the He-Man one above!

 

Monday, October 02, 2017

Ignorance Could Have Brought Bliss


It was a great morning.

I was woken up by my toddler who now climbs out of his crib and into my warm bed for some morning snuggles. It’s literally one of my favorite parts of the day. Feeling his chilly body pressed against my warm chest while he strokes my cheek and cuddles me. There is no greater love than a mother for a child - except for when said child is snuggling on their own accord. My heart just melts. I pray it lasts forever.

The kids got dressed on their own without fuss. I got a stern talking to by my toddler though. It was funny. I asked him if he wanted the rest of his muffin. He said he wanted it not frozen though. Thoroughly confused, I asked him, do you mean you don’t want it warmed up? Yes, he said, don’t warm up my muffin, got it?

As we walked down the stairs, he looked at me and said: What did I say? Don’t warm up my muffin. Understood?

I was cracking up. He’s just the cutest, seriously.

We asked Alexa for some jokes and boredom facts while the kids ate breakfast and I prepared school lunch. I had Alexa play my favorite Beach Boys song and we were on our way to a great start.

Kids went upstairs to play (we were ready so early, there was play time! Score!) so I put on the radio to be entertained while I finished my coffee and catch up on work. I wish I hadn’t bothered. I wish I could have let me great morning continue but the world and one sick individual had other plans.

How many times do I need to turn on the TV or radio or read news online and see such heinous acts of cruelty? How often is there something going on in our country or world making people talk, disagree, argue, and cry? When is it going to end?

Never.

For this reason, I prefer to not listen to news and not read online. For this reason, I choose ignorance. It’s horrible, I know. It’s a cop out. I suck. But people and the world suck worse. I just hope and pray every day that these horrible things don’t come close to my tiny corner of the world.

I hope and pray that more people would raise their children the right and moral way - without hate, without judgement and with more love and kindness.

I hope and pray that those who are ill get help.

And I hope and pray that someday, I can turn the news back on and see more love than hate. Some day.

In the meantime, I will stay here in my tiny corner of the world, ignorant, yet doing my job. Helping to raise good people who will bring more love and less hate to the world. A job, though small, that is very important.

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Mom Judging and How It Affects on My Sleep


I didn’t sleep last night.


I mean, I was laying in bed all night with my sleep mask on and eyes closed yet wide awake.


I saw every hour on the clock.

My mind was racing. Why? Because of some judgy mom I should have ignored and not let bother me. But she did.

When we make decisions for our children, they are not done lightly. Everywhere my kids go, what they do, how they are fed, and everything; I think about it.

Is it a good idea to get my kids McDonald’s for dinner tonight? They’ve eaten healthy meals at home for the entire week. A Happy Meal every once in awhile is fine.

Should I take my overtired, didn’t nap toddler to sit at the gym during my daughter’s 2 hour practice today? Even though she really wants me there and I have a lot of work to do at home? Today, I have to stay home I think.

Is it better to have my daughter in activities 4 days a week after school and one until 8pm or should we take a break from something? I think we need to take a break from something. It’s too much.

Every. Single. Decision. I think about it, I talk to my husband (he trusts my decision), I talk to my mom (gives me the advice I need to hear), and ultimately I decide what is the best for my children.

And what is best for my children may not be best for your children. But that is okay.

So if I’m talking to you, as a parent, and your opinion is different than mine, don’t make me feel bad about it. My child is going to succeed in life regardless because I’m their mom and I’m doing the best I can for us.

It’s stupid really. I don’t like to care what other people think, it shouldn’t bother me. But this mom, she did. She really affected me to the point I didn’t sleep last night. She bothered me so much I started to rethink the decisions I had made for my child. She made me second guess myself so badly I actually contemplated a backup plan/strategy - to the point I was planning for 2 years from now. WTF, right? It’s 3am, go the fuck to sleep!

But it got worse, I started to think about worst case scenario. Know those horror stories we hear about on the news… we think it can’t happen to me? I began to imagine what if. I’ll go back to the moment I made my decision and wonder why did I go through with it. I will revisit the conversation I had with this mom and pray I had listened to her. I will regret my decision for the rest of my life. Every time I see her in town, I’ll blush in shame and the mom guilt will be unbearable.

Why did she make me feel inferior? Why did she have to make a point, numerous times that the path I have chosen is not right? Why did she have to open up her big, fat mouth and act superior to me? More importantly, why did I listen? Why is it bothering me? Is it because in some way, I worry she is right?
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