Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Laugh Until You Cry - It's Good For You!

My husband sent me a video. I was just about to start my work day so I clicked on it.

A video of He-Man and Skeletor dancing - completely innocent.

That's when I lost more than ten minutes of my day.

Laughing.

Then crying because I was laughing.

Then wheezing because I was crying from laughing so hard.

But I was all by myself - home alone. There was no one to share in my joy. So I set up to record myself for proof. I couldn't stop.

I realized that I hadn't laughed that hard in a long time. The mere thought of that made the crying start. Crying and hysterical laughing. Then I had to dial into a conference call. Still laughing and crying while trying to calm down. Which made me laugh and cry even harder. Then I had to unmute my line while sniffling and snorting to then explain why which made it start again. Thank goodness for the mute button.

So here I am laughing, crying, the works! Someone totally made my day today and I'm grateful!

Today, have a good laugh. I feel like a million bucks!

Enjoy the video of me below and of course don't miss the He-Man one above!

 

Monday, October 02, 2017

Ignorance Could Have Brought Bliss


It was a great morning.

I was woken up by my toddler who now climbs out of his crib and into my warm bed for some morning snuggles. It’s literally one of my favorite parts of the day. Feeling his chilly body pressed against my warm chest while he strokes my cheek and cuddles me. There is no greater love than a mother for a child - except for when said child is snuggling on their own accord. My heart just melts. I pray it lasts forever.

The kids got dressed on their own without fuss. I got a stern talking to by my toddler though. It was funny. I asked him if he wanted the rest of his muffin. He said he wanted it not frozen though. Thoroughly confused, I asked him, do you mean you don’t want it warmed up? Yes, he said, don’t warm up my muffin, got it?

As we walked down the stairs, he looked at me and said: What did I say? Don’t warm up my muffin. Understood?

I was cracking up. He’s just the cutest, seriously.

We asked Alexa for some jokes and boredom facts while the kids ate breakfast and I prepared school lunch. I had Alexa play my favorite Beach Boys song and we were on our way to a great start.

Kids went upstairs to play (we were ready so early, there was play time! Score!) so I put on the radio to be entertained while I finished my coffee and catch up on work. I wish I hadn’t bothered. I wish I could have let me great morning continue but the world and one sick individual had other plans.

How many times do I need to turn on the TV or radio or read news online and see such heinous acts of cruelty? How often is there something going on in our country or world making people talk, disagree, argue, and cry? When is it going to end?

Never.

For this reason, I prefer to not listen to news and not read online. For this reason, I choose ignorance. It’s horrible, I know. It’s a cop out. I suck. But people and the world suck worse. I just hope and pray every day that these horrible things don’t come close to my tiny corner of the world.

I hope and pray that more people would raise their children the right and moral way - without hate, without judgement and with more love and kindness.

I hope and pray that those who are ill get help.

And I hope and pray that someday, I can turn the news back on and see more love than hate. Some day.

In the meantime, I will stay here in my tiny corner of the world, ignorant, yet doing my job. Helping to raise good people who will bring more love and less hate to the world. A job, though small, that is very important.

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Mom Judging and How It Affects on My Sleep


I didn’t sleep last night.


I mean, I was laying in bed all night with my sleep mask on and eyes closed yet wide awake.


I saw every hour on the clock.

My mind was racing. Why? Because of some judgy mom I should have ignored and not let bother me. But she did.

When we make decisions for our children, they are not done lightly. Everywhere my kids go, what they do, how they are fed, and everything; I think about it.

Is it a good idea to get my kids McDonald’s for dinner tonight? They’ve eaten healthy meals at home for the entire week. A Happy Meal every once in awhile is fine.

Should I take my overtired, didn’t nap toddler to sit at the gym during my daughter’s 2 hour practice today? Even though she really wants me there and I have a lot of work to do at home? Today, I have to stay home I think.

Is it better to have my daughter in activities 4 days a week after school and one until 8pm or should we take a break from something? I think we need to take a break from something. It’s too much.

Every. Single. Decision. I think about it, I talk to my husband (he trusts my decision), I talk to my mom (gives me the advice I need to hear), and ultimately I decide what is the best for my children.

And what is best for my children may not be best for your children. But that is okay.

So if I’m talking to you, as a parent, and your opinion is different than mine, don’t make me feel bad about it. My child is going to succeed in life regardless because I’m their mom and I’m doing the best I can for us.

It’s stupid really. I don’t like to care what other people think, it shouldn’t bother me. But this mom, she did. She really affected me to the point I didn’t sleep last night. She bothered me so much I started to rethink the decisions I had made for my child. She made me second guess myself so badly I actually contemplated a backup plan/strategy - to the point I was planning for 2 years from now. WTF, right? It’s 3am, go the fuck to sleep!

But it got worse, I started to think about worst case scenario. Know those horror stories we hear about on the news… we think it can’t happen to me? I began to imagine what if. I’ll go back to the moment I made my decision and wonder why did I go through with it. I will revisit the conversation I had with this mom and pray I had listened to her. I will regret my decision for the rest of my life. Every time I see her in town, I’ll blush in shame and the mom guilt will be unbearable.

Why did she make me feel inferior? Why did she have to make a point, numerous times that the path I have chosen is not right? Why did she have to open up her big, fat mouth and act superior to me? More importantly, why did I listen? Why is it bothering me? Is it because in some way, I worry she is right?

Thursday, August 17, 2017

I Won’t Be Buying Anymore Powerball Tickets


The Powerball pot recently is outrageous. So many millions of dollars unfathomable to someone like me. I never play Powerball but like most Americans, when the pot gets in the high six figure millions, I decide, eh why not and get a few.

Last night as I got into bed with my husband, we talked about the Powerball jackpot of almost 400,000 million dollars. Wow, it hurts just to type that! So. Much. Money. As I’m sure many couples, friends, families do, you play the hypothetical of what you would do if you won.

I sat down next to him and asked him seriously, what would you do. Not joking around. I wanted to know. My husband, being the practical person he is, talked about a financial advisor, putting most of it away to earn interest and invest. He said he’d give some to our families but most importantly, he wanted to grow the fortune to benefit our children, their children, and so on. He said he’d want to live comfortably for the rest of his life, get a dream home, and focus on some of his passions knowing most of the money was in the bank to help future generations of our family. Sounds nice right?

He looked at me and I told him I’d give most of the money to charity. I said I wouldn’t want that kind of money; it’s too much. I’d prefer to give most of it away to those who would need it and then we could live comfortably with the rest. Set up a trust fund for our children and make sure they were taken care of. But having a bank account with that kind of money actually stresses me out. How could I go on living life with that kind of money knowing there were so many people struggling in this world, in my country, or even in my own family. I would hate it if I didn’t share with everyone and give it all away.

A bleeding heart he called me. Said I was ridiculous for wanting to give all the money away. Told me I could start my own charity - which yeah that sounds awesome. Told me we can give some to our families. Said we wouldn’t give it all away.

This was not an argument we were having but a conversation by two completely different people. We are married but so different. I think it’s actually better that way - we both have our own thoughts and ways and we even each other out.

As I looked at him and imagined holding a winning ticket in my hand with an enormous chunk of change coming our way, I realized right then, I don’t want it.

Winning that kind of money would, inevitably, destroy our family. We’d compromise and work out the plan together but I’d never let the guilt I feel over having so much more than others subside. And my husband would get stressed and I’d grow to resent our decisions because of the guilt.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m no martyr or Mother Theresa but going from middle class, getting by to filthy rich mega millionaire is a huge difference. I’d never feel comfortable as a mega millionaire. I don’t do fancy cars or name brands. Every dollar I have is a fortune to me because of the way we worked hard raising our family.

Therefore I decided I’m not going to buy any more tickets. I don’t want to win the mega Powerball jackpot. I am happy with my family, our circumstances, and our life. I wouldn’t want that money to get in the way of that.

I don’t want the money. I don’t want the problems. I’m good. No more tickets for me.

Thursday, June 01, 2017

Rocking My Baby Boy to Sleep


I rocked my baby to sleep last night.

It was getting late. I was tired and he was tired. I had this nagging feeling in me to not let him go to bed upset so I picked him back up into my arms and sat back in my ancient nursing rocker - the one I’ll never allow myself to get rid of no matter how old my babies get.

I laid him across me, his head cradled in the nook of my arm and his arm around my neck and we rocked. I told him a story, one of his favorites including trucks and puppies. Then I sang songs while he drifted in and out of sleep with his soft breath warming my chest. He fell asleep smiling nestled into me as I rocked and rocked.

I don’t do this every night. It’s been a long time since I rocked him to sleep. It didn’t matter that I had an endless night of chores and work to do. It didn’t matter that I had yet to eat dinner or even see my husband for five minutes. As the minutes ticked by, I rocked and rocked purely in the moment. I rubbed his head, I touched his chubby cheek, I patted his warm back, and I kissed his nose.

I took him in in all his beautiful baby boy glory. The immense love I had for him took over and I basked in his aura still unable to imagine how I had made this human being. I couldn’t even remember not having him as a part of our family. He was made to be here and add so much life and fun (and mischief!) to our family. My baby boy.

We rocked and rocked, not allowing myself to drift off as well. I wanted to be here and present. I didn’t want to miss a thing. It’s not often I sit and stay present. My brain is usually going on autopilot planning my next steps, the next move, mentally checking lists, and waiting for the next thing. But I didn’t - wouldn’t allow it.

As my boy smiled and slept, I stared at him lovingly knowing he had the best parts of me and his daddy. I knew he has what it takes to grow and be a good person - true and kind. I knew that someday he was going to make a positive impact on this world and make us proud. I just had this feeling that he was going to be somebody - and that somebody was my son. My baby boy.


So we rocked and cuddled, me and my baby boy. Because who knows how many more times I’ll be able to rock him to sleep. This little boy full of promise and hope; growing up right before my very own eyes.
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