Tuesday, September 09, 2014

Sports Girl!

Fall has begun and my little nugget started off her first season of soccer and her third year of gymnastics. Where has the time gone! My little athlete is a natural, just like her mom of course. I'm not sure which sport will be her thing but I'm so looking forward to finding out with her!



Wednesday, August 27, 2014

My Little Girl

All grown up and a big girl now. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be a basket case next year...




Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Make it stop - People Suck.

I don't give a shit about the Emmy's or any other award show out there. Who. Cares. Post some real news, people.

Why is the world so full or racism? Who cares what the skin color is of a man who is shot or who shoots? It's still a dead person. It's still a killer. It's still a shame. As far as I'm concerned, no matter your color, if you are talking about someone's color you're a racist.

Every single person talking about these horrible things happening to a "black man" is a racist. Every person saying that "white cop" is a racist. Why can't people GET OVER the color of skin?! We are all the same. We are people. We have blond hair, black hair, red hair. But that doesn't make us different. We have dark skin, light skin, but we are the same. Maybe if everyone started thinking about that, you'll stop pointing fingers and being racists and focus on more important things.

Why do people think they have the right to get into my business? You have no right to scream at my at a stop light to put my phone down and accuse me of texting and driving in a blatantly rude way. I NEVER text and drive. It is dangerous and stupid. Find someone else to harass and grow the fuck up.

Why can't life just be simple? Why can't we all just get along? Why do humans suck so bad sometimes?

My mom told me today she has $50 in cash and is going to buy a family at her school some snacks for school lunches. They don't have a lot and instead of giving to charity, she gives where she can help directly. My mom is an amazing and generous person.

Maybe if we all had 5% of my mother's kindness the world would be a better place.

Sorry for the ranting. Just sick of sucky people.


Monday, August 18, 2014

My Little Sister Got Married!

I cannot believe over this past weekend, my little sister got married. Talk about feeling old!

I was lucky enough to the Maid of Honor and thought I'd share some photos and my speech.

the happy couple: Jodie & Jimmy
My speech:

Before I start officially, I wanted to let you all know that for the past 10 months or so, Jodie has been planning this wedding. And everything you see here has been her vision and dream. She also did all of this, for the most part, on her own. So a huge round of applause for my sister for pulling off this gorgeous affair. I must say she learned from the best.

Now I have been planning this speech for a very long time - even though I just wrote it last night! I had these ideas of grandeur with dances, videos, poems, and walks down memory lane. But at the end of the day, I embarrassed Jodie enough at her shower and I also didn’t want to take away from the bride and groom with my awesomeness. Instead, those of you that know me, I will blow your mind with the route I decided to go with.

Growing up 7 years older than my little sister, I sometimes acted more like her mother than her sister. Okay that’s not true, I did it a lot. So rather than mess with tradition, I’m going to give Jodie and Jimmy some advice.

Now listen here, you two...There are two important things about marriage that I want to share with you.

#1

Getting married is not just about spending the rest of your life with someone you love, having babies, paying bills, and arguing over what to have for dinner. Marriage is so much more than that. Someone once told me, and it’s really been stuck with me for a while, that being with someone for life is more about sharing your life experiences with them. It’s about having a partner or copilot to go through all the ups and downs. About having someone at the end of your day to talk to and laugh with and of course argue with. It’s like going on a never ending roller coaster ride with a seatmate. You’re not alone and you have each other to witness your lives.

Never forget this because what’s the point of going through life without having someone to share it with. Now you have each other and I can’t stress enough that you need to talk and share and argue, all with passion.

I love this quote: We need a witness to our lives. There’s a billion people on the planet….. I mean, what does any one life mean? But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things….. all of it, all the time, every day. You’re saying ‘Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go unwitnessed because I will be your witness.

Never forget that.

#2

My second tip for the two of you is also a very important one. You just agreed to love one another no matter what for the rest of your lives. But more importantly, you have to agree to love one another as you are. You both are two unique individuals with some similarities and many differences. In some respects, you are who you are. Don’t change. You each have to accept each other for who you are and you can’t expect the other to change. So if Jodie is moody or Jimmy drops clothes all over the floor, get used to it. We are who we are and we shouldn’t change. Accept it now and you’ll be much happier. The minute one of you tries to change a big part of the other, your marriage will suffer. So love each other for who you are today and grow together and more in love over time.

To quote a movie: In my opinion the best thing you can you do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out of your ass. That’s the kind of person that’s worth sticking with.

You can’t sugar coat marriage though. Every wishes you congratulations and such but no one really tells you the truth; that sometimes marriage is hard. Marriage is hard - trust me. But it’s also one of the most satisfying things you’ll do in your life. I know the two of you are so in love and I’m looking forward to watching you grow old together.

I hope my tiny bit of wisdom helps you both.

Jodie, I’m so proud of the woman you’ve become. I’m lucky to have gone through my life with a sister. And now that we’ll both be old married ladies I can’t wait to bond even more.

Jimmy, all I’m saying is back when I was in 5th grade, Mickey brought out the baseball bat. Many a guys have been tortured by the thought of it. And he’s not afraid to use it.

Finally, Jodie, just because you’re married to Jimmy now, you’re not all of a sudden Polish like you thought you would be.

I love you both! Salute!

Some more photos:
Preggars (me), Lyla and Jodie


Lyla was the "wedding girl"!

Lyla and Gramma



Friday, August 01, 2014

An Honest Admission from a Second Time Mom

I didn't want to call it because I was scared to be wrong. Every mother wants to have the feeling, that inclination, that knowing deep down inside. With Lyla, I knew from the beginning but what I didn't know, was if it was just pure desire giving me the intuition or if it was in fact that motherly knowing feeling. When the sonographer told me it was a girl all those years ago, so many flooding emotions overcame me. I had wanted a little girl more than anything in the world. I had felt it, I had desired it, and I had bonded with the idea of it before I even met her.

When I found out I was expecting number two, well let's be honest, I knew I was expecting or could be expecting because after many, many months of trying to conceive it's there or not. Plus there are no "accidents" when I'm on the medication I'm on. So it wasn't a shocker. But I immediately desired a little girl again. One of the biggest reasons I wanted another child was to give Lyla a sister. I have a sister and love the bond that it includes. I wanted that for her more than anything. I imagined how they would look wearing matching dresses. I dreamed how they would look out for one another, gossip together, and argue about fashion. I smiled at their potential bond for life.

At my ultrasound a few weeks back, it was too soon to determine the sex of the baby and afterwards, I even admitted to myself that I was feeling a boy. It scared me and I didn't want to say it out loud. My entire pregnancy up to this point has been exactly the same as with Lyla. Jared pretty much assumed he was not getting the boy he really wanted. It just had to be a girl - but a healthy baby was more important of course.

A few days ago, we had our 20 week ultrasound. At first I didn't even want to know the sex of the baby until he/she came. But as the weeks went by and I started getting into my planner mode (well I'm always in my planner mode as a planner by career), I just had to know. We got in the room with the same sonographer we'd had already 3 times for my ultrasound and she knew us well. Lyla was excited to see her "baby girl" and Jared had a look of disappointment on his face thinking he knew full well he was not getting his boy. So imagine our surprise when she looked over at us and said, It's a boy! And very obviously a boy!

Jared says, are you serious!

I say, are you sure?

Lyla says, is that my baby girl?

Immediately I was sad. And then even more sad as I thought about how sad I was about it. Then I got angry for being sad about being sad. I looked over at Jared who was grinning ear to ear. I'm surprised he didn't pee his pants with excitement. The rest of the scan went well and the baby is looking perfectly healthy and that should be all that matters and quite honestly it is all that matters. But just for good measure, I asked her to look in between the legs one more time before we were done. I wanted to see it one more time for myself and she laughed accusing me of not believing her. And there clear as day was a baby penis. Of course my first thought was, wow, I have a penis in my belly for 9 months...

Lyla wasn't too sure what was going on when she walked in to my parents house and yelled "tenis" for everyone to know it was a boy. Luckily my sister was able to translate to "penis" for the rest of the group. And so began a night of celebrating. Jared had one too many drinks toasting his soon to be born son while my dad went through the list of baby boy names thinking he had a say in what was decided.

Of course the news was leaked to social media and a slew of congratulations came our way. You see, Jared is an only child and his parents are only children so he was worried about his lineage - I'm not even joking. He posted the following on Facebook (and this was his 3rd post for the record due to his excitement):

"Just when you thought the Ford lineage ended with me we now are blessed with an heir to the throne. So now we have a princess and we will soon have a prince. All they need is a castle. Lol. But seriously, I'm an only child with parents that are only children so I can rest knowing a new generation of Ford's will live on. They will learn to love football, not soccer, eat beans on toast and put the 'U's back in every word the Americans took out."

For the past couple days, I've been thinking about this little man inside my belly. I guess my intuition was right on this time despite my desire for another girl. But in all honesty, I still have not been excited but more sad. I finally admitted to Jared yesterday that I'm not super happy about having a boy and the fact that I feel that way is making me feel so guilty and sad. What kind of mother isn't excited about their baby regardless of the sex? What kind of mother begrudgingly tells people, yeah it's a boy...

After months, even years of trying to conceive and I'm finally blessed with a healthy baby! What the fuck is wrong with me. I never in a million years thought I'd be that woman who was upset about the baby's sex. It's a 50/50 shot. You don't get to choose. I told myself, like I tell Lyla daily, you get what you get, and you don't get upset. I hate this person I've been the last few days being sad because I failed to give Lyla a sister. Even though she woke up the day after the ultrasound and asked if it was a girl baby now. That was super cute.

Last night I had a dream. The baby was poking his hand out of my stomach and you could see it clear as day. I put my hand on his hand and I cried. Granted it felt like a huge hand, but it was a boy hand, my boy's hand. We had a moment in my dream and I woke up remembering it as if it had actually happened during the night. Maybe it did. But more importantly, I woke up and I felt at peace. I envisioned this little guy following his big sister around. I've see them playing together, fighting together, and looking out for each other. I'm okay with having this little boy, in fact, I feel excited now. Maybe it just took a few days to get used to it. Maybe he felt what I was feeling inside and decided to show me how sweet he already is. Whatever it was, I'm sorry that I was ever sad he wasn't a girl. 

I still can't believe I felt the way I did. But I have to forgive myself and move on. None of us are perfect and we feel what we feel; you can't change that. This little boy inside of my belly is our little miracle of life. He will proudly carry on our name and we will be proud of him no matter what he becomes. I know his sister will adore him and they will have an amazing bond. I can finally say it with pride, I'm having a boy!


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