Monday, June 22, 2015

Proud Parenting Moment

I had some extra time this morning - about 20 minutes. So I decided to throw in a Jillian Michaels workout rather than get on my laptop and work.

As I was sweating and doing my workout, Lyla joined me in the cardio portions. She always laughs and thinks it's fun. When I was done, I got ready for the shower and Lyla told me I should have just worked out in my top (sports bra) like the girls on the workout show. I was honest and said I didn't look like them and I wanted to hide my flab.

She looked at me with the most beautiful face and said, "Everyone is special in their own way and I love you just the way you are."

Day = made.

I'm so proud of my daughter for listening to me when I tell her things and for really loving me just as I am. Most importantly I'm happy I'm raising her not to judge others and truly believe that everyone is special in their own way.

Thursday, June 18, 2015

My Life Today

(For the record, I may complain a lot, but I love my family, I love my kids and I love being a mom. I just think it's fun to laugh about things and complain!)

Today this happened.

Jared went to the office and I was home with Brighton all day.

6amish - B wakes up a bit too early for him. Usually he goes back to sleep after his bottle, but not today.

8:30ish - We bring Lyla to school and on the way to school, B falls asleep.

8:50ish - B is up as soon as we get to school. "That was my morning nap mom!" - GREAT

9:30ish - I feed B.

10ish - B pukes down my shirt. I mean he puked directly down my shirt and in between my boobs so bad that the puke made a little pond inside my bra surrounding my boobs. And it was chunky.

11ish - B is SO freaking tired. So I pretend it's lunch time and give him some bananas. With a mouth full, he decides it would be funny to blow bubbles and spit bananas all over me.

11:30 - B started screaming. For the first time. He thinks it's funny. I do not.

12ish - Afternoon nap time! Thankfully...

Lunch: More fruit snacks and chips and cheese doodles. For the record, I don't like chips or cheese doodles but they were there and I was busy. And lazy.

2pm - I have the start of back to back to back conference calls until 4:30. B is still sleeping.

2:25pm - B wakes up right as I'm ending one call and starting another. Thankfully he remains quiet only cooing a bit while I chat with my boss.

Not my finest hour...
3:15pm - Getting ready for my next con call. I put B in his bouncer chair thingy and put him in front of the iPad with Seasame Street on. As I bent over to get his toys, my braid fell into more puke on the chair. Fun!

3:35pm - Con call starts and B starts screaming. Apparently he's done with Elmo. I close the office doors and hope no one can hear him. Negative. I go into the laundry room and close the doors. I thank the good lord for the mute button and try to talk the least amount possible.

4:00pm - Call Jared tell him I'm having ice cream for dinner.

4:15pm - Leave to get Lyla at school and come home. 

4:45ish - Upon arrival, she is whining, B is crying and my house is a wreck. I need to feed him and wash bottles and keep Lyla from driving me crazy with the whining.

5:01pm - Bottle of wine is open.

5:03pm - First glass is chugged.

5:05pm - I'm drunk.

5:06pm - Dance party in the kitchen! B is laughing while he eats, Lyla is looking at me like a crazy person and life is fan-fucking-tastic!

5:45pm - Jared comes home to me belting out "Fight Song" while gripping the wine glass and flailing my arms around like a crazy woman dancing. He shakes his head and makes dinner.

6:00pm - I wash all the bottles and my buzz is gone. 

6:15pm - Bathe B

6:30pm - Laying on the floor with B half dead to the world almost sound asleep smelling like puke. Damn wine...

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Bedtime at My House Has Gone to Hell and Other Matters at Hand

It's almost 10pm and I've come to terms that gone are the good ol' days of sweet bed times at my house. Both my children are still currently up and after day 4 of this madness I'm crying uncle tonight.

Instead I'm sitting at my desk "working" and eating an entire box of Disney Princess fruit snacks (that my parents just gave Lyla today...). Let's face it, you can't just eat one pack and then by pack 3 or 4 you feel a little ill. Then by pack 5, you want to puke. The "get the post baby body back before summer" plan has gone right to hell along with many other plans of mine (like finally cleaning up the crap from Lyla's birthday party on the floor in my office corner since MAY!). Fruit snacks are the devil. So is cleaning. Seriously. But I digress...

I used to love putting Lyla to bed. We would read a book and snuggle. Then I'd rub her belly and sing to her. I'd sit with her for at least an hour and loved every second of watching her fall asleep. Now I'm yelling 95% of the time from 7pm - 9:30pmish to "just go to bed", "hurry up", "don't wake up your brother!". I feel like an awful person and terrible mother.

Last night, around 9:30pm I was so exhausted and frustrated that my daughter told me: You are the worse mommy and I don't like you and I want you to just leave and go back to England. (insert tears here and for the record, I'm not from England...) I walked into my room, sat on my chair, and turned on the TV while I waited for Lyla to come to her senses, find me, and apologize; which of course she did a few minutes later. I apologized too.

Bedtime is just hard; especially when your child is amazingly clever at the art of manipulation. The following phrases are uttered at bedtime these days:

  1. Wait a minute, I need a favor.
  2. I'm thirsty, can I have some water?
  3. I misssss youuuu!
  4. Don't leave me ALL ALONE!
  5. Everyone gets to sleep with someone except me!
  6. Can I just have one more friend to sleep with? 
  7. I want [insert the one stuffie that is the most difficult to find] to sleep with.
  8. Wait! I have to tell you something. (then you wait about 2 minutes for her to figure out what it is she has to tell you.)
  9. I don't WANNA GO TO BED!
  10. I'm scared of the dark. The stars, nightlight, and hall light are not enough.
  11. WAIT, wait, wait wait, wait. Just ONE MORE MINUTE!
  12. Can I just have one more hug and kiss? PLEASE!
  13. Can I go say goodnight to Brighton?
  14. Is daddy upstairs or downstairs? Is he going to be angry I'm still awake?
  15. Do I have to go to school tomorrow? I DON'T WANNA GO TO SCHOOL! Please, please, please, please, don't make me go! I miss you!
  16. Mommy? Can you check on me again?
I could go on for days...

Meanwhile the husband is downstairs:

"Jess, how long you gonna be?" 

"Are we watching a show or not?"

Every time he yells or intrudes, inevitably, one or both children will wake or start crying again making me start the whole process over.

So tonight after the battling and both children fighting sleep with all their heart, I just left them up there. Brighton finally fell asleep on his own a few minutes later. Lyla has finally stopped talking and whining. And now what? My husband is still waiting for me and I just want to go to bed. Why? Not just because I'm exhausted and not because I want to avoid all the housework and work work I'm avoiding. I want to go to bed mostly because the faster I do that, the faster morning will come and I can see my little rugrats again who I miss so much. Because let's face it, I'm freaking nuts and I'm a mom.

Wednesday, June 03, 2015

Wow, I Royally F#**^$ed up My Husband's Birthday 25 Days Early

I'm just on a roll lately. (Caution: immense swearing below...)


Jared's birthday is June 28. I've been thinking about what to get him and thinking about his likes and things. I came across and thought how perfect! Jared loves to cook and these little packages all year will come in handy as he loves new and unusual things. A whole year's worth just for him!

I was multitasking; checking out on PayPal for his gift at the same time I was having an Etsy conversation about something else.

My PayPal checkout timed out.

Then PayPal got stupid - it's been happening a lot lately.

I had to go into Chrome settings and clear my cookies and my cache so PayPal would work again.

Back to to get back to checkout and try again. This time PayPal worked but it just paid. It didn't say, what card do you want this on, as per usual. And I heard Jared getting up and freaked out and clicked submit.

I was excited for about 2 minutes until I realized my personal credit card was not charged but our FLIPPING JOINT CHECKING ACCOUT that we never use for purchases - just bills! To which I realized we hardly had any money in there (we literally charge everything and pay it off at the end of the month to get points and big rewards so our checking account is never overflowing with dough...)

Oh my fucking God! What have I done!

Here I am with an adorable printed card stating his gift info and how to claim it to give him on JUNE 28 while it's ONLY JUNE 3 and our CHECKING ACCOUNT IS TOTALLY MESSED UP and THE SECRET SURPRISE IS OUT!

I frantically tried to take it back - not happening. And if you can get it done, it takes a week to happen.

I solemnly walk into the living room with my head hanging and almost in tears.

It begins.

Me: Jared, I'm so sorry but I totally just made a huge mistake and your birthday is ruined.
Jared: Oh dear, what now...
Me: (a lot of rambling and mumbling really fast what just happened)
Jared: Are you serious!? You better fix it!
Me: I'll try my best.

I went back to the computer and go to log into our bank account. BUT I mess up the password a few times and WE GET LOCKED OUT OF OUR ACCOUNT!! Mother. Fucker.

Jared is getting texts from the bank:
Your account is locked.
Your account is locked.

Jared comes in and tries to unlock it and can't.

I have to go in and completely change the password all the while talking to Amanda on chat from the bank. I'm in, so she passes me to Sofia Kites (no joke) to help me try and cancel the transaction.

No go.

Jared is furious. Not only did I fuck up the checking account but I also spent $240 on his birthday gift which in his mind is WAY too much. I disagree, but whatevs...

He walks away and comes back calm.

He's now just upset that I didn't ask him what he wanted for his birthday. Spending that kind of money on food stuff is a lot and he was not keen on the idea.

So not only did I mess up, I also picked an unsuitable gift.

I can't win.

I need to drink. Heavily.

I couldn't make this shit up if I tried. I really am a train wreck. Really. I need a vacation.

Count Your Blessings Wednesday

All hail the return of Count Your Blessings Wednesday - at request of a friend.

I can't say I'll always have time or remember but I shall try my best!

Today, I'm grateful for:

  1. Lyla, my strong-will, smart, & beautiful daughter.
  2. Brighton, my ridiculously adorable son.
  3. Jared, my amazingly helpful, handy-man husband who I love most of the time!
I'm a lucky girl!
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