Yesterday was a pretty rough day. But it ended on a good note.
Last night I had one of my most wonderful nights as a mom. I have to share so I'll never forget.
I really wanted to watch a corny Christmas movie last night so we did. Jared was snoring after 10 minutes and eventually just went up to bed. When it finished around 10, I figured why not watch another! I was beat but enjoying the solitude and sappy movies. The movie was almost over when I heard Lyla tossing and turning. She must have been having a night mare and started to cry. She got quiet again but then woke again a few minutes later.
I got up and went to check on her and she was wide awake. I tried my best to get her back to sleep without picking her up (as that is the golden rule) but she seemed totally unwilling to go back to sleep. Finally, I thought screw it. I picked her up and we hugged. She giggled with delight and I told her shh, daddy was sleeping. She thought that was funny and put her finger over her mouth to do shhh to me while saying dadda. I brought her downstairs, sat on the couch, covered us with the blanket and we finished watching my movie together.
When it was done, it was past midnight but Lyla was so comfy and cuddled right into me I couldn't bear letting her go. So I brought up Netflix. Lyla looked at the movie thumbnails and yelled, "Barney!". She had seen the Barney's Christmas movie. She was grinning ear to ear so I put it on. What the heck. We sat there cuddling, watching Barney at midnight while she was smiling out of control. She was so happy to be with me and watching Barney. She was glowing. There was no fidgeting, no sass, just warm snuggles.
I kept kissing her head and willing her to not grow up too fast. I watched as she pointed to the TV at the things she knew; Santa! Barney! Tree! Ball! Baby! I stroked her hair, I whispered how much I loved her, and I held on to her tightly. It was just what I had needed to bring me some peace.
It's not something we've ever done before, nor will it be something we make a habit of doing, but last night that short stint of it just us and no one else in the world was priceless.
I only let her watch about 15 minutes of Barney before I brought her back up to bed. Laying her back down almost brought tears to my eyes. One year ago, she was a baby and now she is a little girl. She is growing up right in front of me and it's amazing; truly amazing.
It doesn't matter if she screams all day for me, is sassy and has an attitude, or if she is just being a brat, she is my little girl and I love her more than words can describe. Last night was a gem of an opportunity and I'm so glad I broke the rules just that once.