Friday, October 22, 2010

Can I do it all?

Warning:  this post will be full of whining, complaining, and the like but I just need to vent so if you're not up for it, I understand.  Please remember I do love my life, my family, and sometimes I love being a working girl.  

Can I do it all?  I want to so bad but I know my dreams are never going to be met.  One person can only do so much.  I have two arms and two legs.  I have one brain.  Then on the other hand I have full-time, demanding job, a six month old child, a wonderful husband, a time consuming home, and so many other obligations I can't keep straight.

Let's start with work...since this economy went down the tubes, work has been, let's say, crazy.  People got layed off left and right with no one replacing them.  I, along with most of the company, started doing others' jobs.  It got to the point where my title didn't work anymore and I just wanted to be known as the "do everything girl".  Events, graphic design, sales, marketing, internal back end work (yeah code and me are not peanut butter and jelly but whatever...), and a many other random things.  My maternity leave was a blessing; I got time off of working like a mad woman and I loved it.  Now that I've been back a while, more tasks have been dumped on me and the more I desire to excel. I love a challenge and I want to succeed.

I've never imagined myself a career woman.  I've never gotten past the "go to college" step in my head. I have always just pictured myself as a mom and taking care of my children.  That has been and always will be first and foremost the priority.  I didn't want to be a working girl. Call me old-fashioned but I wanted to stay home and be "Holly Housewife".  However my life did not take that turn.  I got a great job and I've grown there and now our family depends on my salary so therein lies the problem.  I am a career woman regardless if I want to be or not.  And I will try my best to do my best while I am.  This means working many hours and creating a happy balance has not been easy. If fact, I'm not even close yet.

I have one child.  Yup, just the one.  Yet I see moms around me with more than one taking like pros.  I've always wanted a big family, lots of kids.  But as a working girl there is only so much of me to go around.  I love Lyla to pieces and want to spend every waking moment with her.  But at the same time, I want her to go to college and grow up knowing how to work hard. I want her to have that special toy everyone has, I want her to go on vacations, and I just want her to value money and wants versus needs.  I have to work; I just have to.  But creating the balance to be around Lyla and teaching her while the same time I'm working is hard!  I am so lucky I can work from home and take care of her but I want more hours in the day so I can put in my 8-9 working hours and have a few hours during the day to experiment with food with Lyla and teach her the ABCs.  I just want to do it all!

I'm tired; so very tired.  I want to be able to dust the house because it really needs it. I want to have a few hours to just hang out with Jared and not have it be talking about finances, Lyla, or work.  I need to organize my life better but I'm having a hard time doing it!  I can not do it all, really.  I have to get over it.  I need to let some things go, I need to get help when needed, and I need to have some much needed me time!  Because currently the only "me time" I have is when I go into the office to work two days a week.  So that should be working time, not me time.  

So what am I going to do about it? I have no idea. I've been looking all over for an app for my phone to help me organize my life.  As if this little ol' $4.99 app will just fix everything, but who knows.  I can't find it anyways.  I want one that creates reminders for everything, sets timers so you're on schedule, and reminds me that I am awesome, can not do it all, and to just settle with what I can. App, if you can hear me, find me now!

I've tried making lists but I suck at lists.  The minute I write them down, I don't look at them again because it's all in my head.  Nightmare!  I have even tried going jogging. I love to do it but then once I'm out, I'm guilty I'm not with Lyla or working.  I just think constantly what is next on my list and what I'll conquer when I get home. 

Life is awesome, let me tell you!  I would love some comments.  If you can do it all, how do you do it?  If you can't, how do you cope?  I'm a full-time working girl/mom/wife and I admit, I can not do it all.

1 comment:

christina said...

Oh honey... I know how it is. You know I do. We both work from home, and you'd think that would be ideal - but it really isn't. I don't get an out-of-the-house time (me, work or otherwise) and then they're home sick -- AHEM, I'm looking at YOU ASHTON -- we still struggle to work and take care of sick kids, instead of taking the day off.

Anyway... honestly, what works for us is daycare. The kids socialize, learn (By professionals! Not that we could't teach them things, but as they get older it's more important to have a curriculum - and no, I'm not a crazy person with trying to get them ahead - I'm speaking only age-appropriate development) and they have fun and stay active to boot!

What is also does it allow us both to focus on our jobs during work hours, so off-hours it's pure family time (ideally). It allows us all to have more quality time together.

I know the whole daycare thing isn't for everyone, but it's really given us some sanity!

As for cooking, housework, me time, etc... well it take time to balance it all out, but you get there. I promise you will. And you'll realize that you don't have to be perfect at everything.

You're an awesome mom and an awesome woman. If anyone can "do it all" it's you, my dear!

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