…the news, the radio, and the Internet. Yes, thanks to all of you the past few days, I have not been able to eat a piece of lettuce without inspecting it for any mark or piece of dirt. Thanks for making me throw out a few of my strawberries and raspberries because it looked like mud or something else. Thank you for telling me which of the plastics that are going to give me cancer. And for being even more thorough by telling me that these plastics are okay but not microwaved and these others are very bad if you reuse them. Thanks for reminding me not to give my child said plastics as that is bad parenting. Also, I wanted to share my gratitude for you telling me that almost every soap, shampoo, lotion, etc that is not one hundred percent organic is going to do harm to my baby. I also wanted to note that yes I do use chapstick and thanks again for telling me every time I put it on I’m killing something or hurting my child.
I find it so nice of you that you tell me I should not wear knee high panty hose while pregnant because it can do harm to my baby. That I should not sleep on my back or my stomach, only my left side. Easy enough! It was even nicer for you to let me know which foods from vending machines I should avoid because again, too many calories could equal a fat baby. This was especially helpful as at work we have a free vending machine. It meant a lot to me knowing that choosing a 100 Grand bar over the Snickers saves me calories. Also I had no idea that goldfish were worse for you than cheez its.
It is so nice of you to tell me all of these wonderful things. From now on there is pretty much nothing I can eat that is safe except for nuts BUT I must take a special pill to supplement all the food I can not eat but that pill only can be organic otherwise it’s harmful. I will also become all natural without using chemicals in my soaps and deodorants and things. I may smell but my baby won’t be in harm.
I’m so glad I have all these resources to
scare the shit out of me help me. My most sincere thanks for the information and for showing me never to read internet articles again.