I rocked my baby to sleep last night.
It was getting late. I was tired and he was tired. I had this nagging feeling in me to not let him go to bed upset so I picked him back up into my arms and sat back in my ancient nursing rocker - the one I’ll never allow myself to get rid of no matter how old my babies get.
I laid him across me, his head cradled in the nook of my arm and his arm around my neck and we rocked. I told him a story, one of his favorites including trucks and puppies. Then I sang songs while he drifted in and out of sleep with his soft breath warming my chest. He fell asleep smiling nestled into me as I rocked and rocked.
I don’t do this every night. It’s been a long time since I rocked him to sleep. It didn’t matter that I had an endless night of chores and work to do. It didn’t matter that I had yet to eat dinner or even see my husband for five minutes. As the minutes ticked by, I rocked and rocked purely in the moment. I rubbed his head, I touched his chubby cheek, I patted his warm back, and I kissed his nose.
I took him in in all his beautiful baby boy glory. The immense love I had for him took over and I basked in his aura still unable to imagine how I had made this human being. I couldn’t even remember not having him as a part of our family. He was made to be here and add so much life and fun (and mischief!) to our family. My baby boy.
We rocked and rocked, not allowing myself to drift off as well. I wanted to be here and present. I didn’t want to miss a thing. It’s not often I sit and stay present. My brain is usually going on autopilot planning my next steps, the next move, mentally checking lists, and waiting for the next thing. But I didn’t - wouldn’t allow it.
As my boy smiled and slept, I stared at him lovingly knowing he had the best parts of me and his daddy. I knew he has what it takes to grow and be a good person - true and kind. I knew that someday he was going to make a positive impact on this world and make us proud. I just had this feeling that he was going to be somebody - and that somebody was my son. My baby boy.
So we rocked and cuddled, me and my baby boy. Because who knows how many more times I’ll be able to rock him to sleep. This little boy full of promise and hope; growing up right before my very own eyes.