Wednesday, June 03, 2015

Wow, I Royally F#**^$ed up My Husband's Birthday 25 Days Early

I'm just on a roll lately. (Caution: immense swearing below...)


Jared's birthday is June 28. I've been thinking about what to get him and thinking about his likes and things. I came across and thought how perfect! Jared loves to cook and these little packages all year will come in handy as he loves new and unusual things. A whole year's worth just for him!

I was multitasking; checking out on PayPal for his gift at the same time I was having an Etsy conversation about something else.

My PayPal checkout timed out.

Then PayPal got stupid - it's been happening a lot lately.

I had to go into Chrome settings and clear my cookies and my cache so PayPal would work again.

Back to to get back to checkout and try again. This time PayPal worked but it just paid. It didn't say, what card do you want this on, as per usual. And I heard Jared getting up and freaked out and clicked submit.

I was excited for about 2 minutes until I realized my personal credit card was not charged but our FLIPPING JOINT CHECKING ACCOUT that we never use for purchases - just bills! To which I realized we hardly had any money in there (we literally charge everything and pay it off at the end of the month to get points and big rewards so our checking account is never overflowing with dough...)

Oh my fucking God! What have I done!

Here I am with an adorable printed card stating his gift info and how to claim it to give him on JUNE 28 while it's ONLY JUNE 3 and our CHECKING ACCOUNT IS TOTALLY MESSED UP and THE SECRET SURPRISE IS OUT!

I frantically tried to take it back - not happening. And if you can get it done, it takes a week to happen.

I solemnly walk into the living room with my head hanging and almost in tears.

It begins.

Me: Jared, I'm so sorry but I totally just made a huge mistake and your birthday is ruined.
Jared: Oh dear, what now...
Me: (a lot of rambling and mumbling really fast what just happened)
Jared: Are you serious!? You better fix it!
Me: I'll try my best.

I went back to the computer and go to log into our bank account. BUT I mess up the password a few times and WE GET LOCKED OUT OF OUR ACCOUNT!! Mother. Fucker.

Jared is getting texts from the bank:
Your account is locked.
Your account is locked.

Jared comes in and tries to unlock it and can't.

I have to go in and completely change the password all the while talking to Amanda on chat from the bank. I'm in, so she passes me to Sofia Kites (no joke) to help me try and cancel the transaction.

No go.

Jared is furious. Not only did I fuck up the checking account but I also spent $240 on his birthday gift which in his mind is WAY too much. I disagree, but whatevs...

He walks away and comes back calm.

He's now just upset that I didn't ask him what he wanted for his birthday. Spending that kind of money on food stuff is a lot and he was not keen on the idea.

So not only did I mess up, I also picked an unsuitable gift.

I can't win.

I need to drink. Heavily.

I couldn't make this shit up if I tried. I really am a train wreck. Really. I need a vacation.

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