Instead I'm sitting at my desk "working" and eating an entire box of Disney Princess fruit snacks (that my parents just gave Lyla today...). Let's face it, you can't just eat one pack and then by pack 3 or 4 you feel a little ill. Then by pack 5, you want to puke. The "get the post baby body back before summer" plan has gone right to hell along with many other plans of mine (like finally cleaning up the crap from Lyla's birthday party on the floor in my office corner since MAY!). Fruit snacks are the devil. So is cleaning. Seriously. But I digress...
I used to love putting Lyla to bed. We would read a book and snuggle. Then I'd rub her belly and sing to her. I'd sit with her for at least an hour and loved every second of watching her fall asleep. Now I'm yelling 95% of the time from 7pm - 9:30pmish to "just go to bed", "hurry up", "don't wake up your brother!". I feel like an awful person and terrible mother.
Last night, around 9:30pm I was so exhausted and frustrated that my daughter told me: You are the worse mommy and I don't like you and I want you to just leave and go back to England. (insert tears here and for the record, I'm not from England...) I walked into my room, sat on my chair, and turned on the TV while I waited for Lyla to come to her senses, find me, and apologize; which of course she did a few minutes later. I apologized too.
Bedtime is just hard; especially when your child is amazingly clever at the art of manipulation. The following phrases are uttered at bedtime these days:
- Wait a minute, I need a favor.
- I'm thirsty, can I have some water?
- I misssss youuuu!
- Don't leave me ALL ALONE!
- Everyone gets to sleep with someone except me!
- Can I just have one more friend to sleep with?
- I want [insert the one stuffie that is the most difficult to find] to sleep with.
- Wait! I have to tell you something. (then you wait about 2 minutes for her to figure out what it is she has to tell you.)
- I don't WANNA GO TO BED!
- I'm scared of the dark. The stars, nightlight, and hall light are not enough.
- WAIT, wait, wait wait, wait. Just ONE MORE MINUTE!
- Can I just have one more hug and kiss? PLEASE!
- Can I go say goodnight to Brighton?
- Is daddy upstairs or downstairs? Is he going to be angry I'm still awake?
- Do I have to go to school tomorrow? I DON'T WANNA GO TO SCHOOL! Please, please, please, please, don't make me go! I miss you!
- Mommy? Can you check on me again?
I could go on for days...
Meanwhile the husband is downstairs:
"Jess, how long you gonna be?"
"Are we watching a show or not?"
Every time he yells or intrudes, inevitably, one or both children will wake or start crying again making me start the whole process over.
So tonight after the battling and both children fighting sleep with all their heart, I just left them up there. Brighton finally fell asleep on his own a few minutes later. Lyla has finally stopped talking and whining. And now what? My husband is still waiting for me and I just want to go to bed. Why? Not just because I'm exhausted and not because I want to avoid all the housework and work work I'm avoiding. I want to go to bed mostly because the faster I do that, the faster morning will come and I can see my little rugrats again who I miss so much. Because let's face it, I'm freaking nuts and I'm a mom.