Friday, May 29, 2015

This Toy is the DEVIL - Do NOT Buy

This is a Public Service Announcement (PSA). Please proceed with extreme caution.

If you have a daughter, know a little girl, or have to buy a gift for a little girl, there is a certain toy you should NEVER buy.

Disney Princess: Sing and Dance

Sounds cute, eh? This beautiful hard cover book comes with a little music maker similar to an iPod. The kids can match up the iPod thingy to the songs in the book and the song plays on the iPod thingy. It's not Disney music but old fashioned kids songs like Make New Friends, Twinkle Twinkle, The More We Get Together, etc. Your children can play these adorable songs from the book over, and over, and over, and OVER again.  Sounds fun?!

The Disney Princess: Sing and Dance book is the devil. I kid you not. If you really dislike someone, you can buy it for them. But if you ever want to be friends with someone ever again, DO NOT BUY.

It looks all cute and innocent from the start but eventually you will want to, in no particular order:
  • Run over it with you car
  • Flush it down the toilet
  • Run it through the washing machine
  • Crush it with your bare hands
  • Smash it with a frying pan
  • Throw it through a window
  • Burn it in a fire pit and roast marshamellows over it
  • A much more, use your imagination
We received this toy as a gift a few years ago. After one week, I was spent. My daughter played those obnoxious songs over and over again. The worst part is the voices of the little girls who sing is almost cult-like. They are so merry and happy. It's as if they were brainwashed..."In the beautiful forest..." You can surely hear the misery in their voices. They are so unhappy, they don't even want you to buy this toy.

After a week, I purposely hid lost this toy in an attempt to regain my sanity. It was all well and good for a while. But then as if spring had sprung, the damn thing grew up from the ground in my daughter's room. The morning I heard it promising that one is silver and the other is gold, I near lost my mind. NO!!! I have to listen to that damn thing, again!

My daughter of course was in her glory. "Look mommy! I found my favorite toy!" I died a little inside that day.

Well here we are not three years later and this damn toy is still in my house. It's been hidden, "lost", "broken", and "taking a break because it's so tired of singing, honey". Over the past few years, I've probably only had to deal with it a few times, thankfully.

Last week we did a big clean of my daughter's room and the stupid thing resurfaced. I forgot my daughter was right there and expressed my true hatred: Shit! Where did that thing come from! I HATE that damn toy! Ugh...! To which my daughter said: We don't say "hate" mommy.

But I saw this little twinkle in her eye and a light bulb over her head. At five years old, she's not stupid. 

Every day in the past week, she would come up to me unsuspectingly and play that damn thing in my face. With an evil laugh, she'd say, mommy, you love this toy! It's your favorite. 

Sometimes I didn't even see her, she left the music thingy next to me, "Good morning, to you, good morning to you..." AHHH!

It's a game now. "How much can I annoy mommy with this thing?"

And if you don't believe me, here is a tiny sample of its obnoxiousness:

You've been warned. DO NOT BUY. I may kill it today.

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