Last week Jared and I got into a disagreement about our cell phones. He thought it would be a good idea for us to both upgrade to iPhones while I cried in the corner at the thought of this horrific piece of metal running my life. I promised him I would give it a chance as I have 30 days to make up my mind and return it/keep it.
Today was D-day. I was informed last night that we got to go to At&t at seven in the morning since we pre-ordered to pick up our phones. I fought it for a while saying how ridiculous it was but Jared was determined to be up and at'em to get his new prize early. This morning, I decided I was not going to be one of THOSE people who wait in line for the latest new gadget. So I just pretended to be sleeping as he was yelling for me to hurry and get up. He was insistent that we had to be there at seven or we'd be late. Hmm, does the store close at 7:05 or something? I don't know...
After some yelling, some grumpiness, and some vulgarities on my part about how stupid this whole thing was, how much I hated him and this phone already, I got up and got ready. He was not too happy with me but whatever. The only time I waited in line for something was something cool - like concert tickets or good food. Not a stupid cell phone that does tricks.
We get to the mall and there is no one there. Of course. As we go to the store we attempted to walk in but no, we're not allowed. A man comes over and yells, "Folks, I'm going to need you to step away from the store." I'm thinking to myself, did I miss something? Did I just commit a felony unbeknown to me? He says, "You can only come in if you have pre-ordered." Jared tells him we did. He checks us off his fancy list and relaxes a bit. Then he realizes the sales man who sold Jared the phone is busy with another customer. "Sorry, but you guys will need to wait outside the store until he is available."
The store manager - I'm assuming that is who he is - then goes to get his appointed security guard who he definitely hired just for that day to keep out hooligans looking to check out the new iPhones. A man about 5'4", 160 lbs, pot belly the size of a soccer ball, lots of white hair, and saggy skin waddles on over to the front of the store and stands there staring at us. It's as if at any moment we are going to charge through the barricade of Grandpa At&t and storm the counter for our already paid for phones. Wow, just wow.
Jared and I stand outside the store like lepers. My eyes are rolling so hard I think they are going to roll right out of my sockets. I am sighing so loud that an EMT might come out from no where and give me mouth to mouth thinking I'm about to stop breathing. That is how annoyed I am with this entire situation. Jared on the other hand is about to pee his pants with excitement. He starts going on and on about how our lives are about to change. He tells me how easy it will be for him to contact me now at any time no matter where he is. Hmm, because his old phone couldn't dial or text? He explains that he can send me a video of the beluga whales at work to brighten my day. Or he can send me pictures whenever he thinks I'd like it. Aww, so cute...
Finally it's our turn to enter the store - I'm slightly afraid of being patted down and strip searched. The sales guys are all standing around bored. They over staffed thinking they would be swamped with people but instead are dead. The dude goes through all these things with us and during it Jared is asking a million questions. The thing about Jared is he always has questions. There is nothing wrong with questions but they are always the worst timing. As I'm telling the dude my phone number, Jared asks a question. As the guy is on the phone, Jared is asking a question. Poor Jared, just too excited for his own good. Finally Jared gets his new phone and is playing with it while my account is sorted out. He is grinning ear to ear. He touches it and says, look it can do this! Shows me and then touches it again, says, look it can do this! Finally after three times, I said to him, if he keeps showing me every little thing it does, I may just have to take the phone and...
I really was in a stellar mood this morning. The At&t guys thought I was a freak. Well maybe I am! The only questions I asked was about my 30 day return policy, what other phone I could get, how much it would be to cancel, etc. Then the guy gives me the phone and says, let me show you how to do the email on here. I said bluntly, I don't want to have email on my phone. He says defiantly, yes you will. I look at him, shake my head and say,"No I won't. I don't want email with me everywhere I go!" He gives up, puts the phone in the box, gives Jared a sympathetic look and sends us on our way. Jared looks at me and says I was a bit bitchy and I might as well return the phone right now. But the thing is, Jared bought this for me, I promised I would try it - not like it - so that I what I will do. I will try it out and if I hate it I will return it.
The thing is I want a cell phone to make calls. The point of cell phones really is for emergency purposes. I don't need a phone to take pictures, videos, to act as a compass, to play music, to play games, to email, surf the internet, or to wipe my ass. I want a cell phone to make calls with. That's it. So all this technology I now have is wasted with me. It's too much. It's just too much.
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