New Company Policy - I'm highly in favor of..

Every month a woman will be allowed two days off that are not included in her vacation time, sick time or personal days. These days are variable each month depending on her cycle. The first day the menstruation hits, will be one day off. It is very unfair for a woman to have to wake up cramped and bloated, cram into clothes that are all of a sudden two sizes too small for her and have to deal with all those assholes who don’t understand PMS (the men). She should not have to go into the office while feeling gassy, achy and borderline insane. Her work will be unproductive, her attitude will be less than pleasant and the vending machine will be fresh out of chocolate. It is highly unjust for a menstruating woman to have to sit in an uncomfortable chair for eight hours, praying she will not leak or commit homicide at the same time. Therefore this day off will not only be beneficial for her but for all the men in her office.

The other free day off is for the second day of her cycle. No woman gets over PMS in one day. She needs this second day to get over the first day and there are a ton of errands to do. She needs to sew up the buttons that popped the day before, she needs to untie her husband from the Lazy boy, she needs to return all the sappy, romantic comedy DVDs laying around and most of all she needs to buy more chocolate. It is completely ridiculous to think she can get over PMS in one day and return to the slimeballs at work (the men).

I can guarantee you all women will be in favor of this new policy. However if it is not to be accepted, then my other idea would be to allow the carrying of firearms to the office, just in case those not understanding the women’s cycle can be taught a painful, just lesson.