Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Mom Judging and How It Affects on My Sleep

I didn’t sleep last night.

I mean, I was laying in bed all night with my sleep mask on and eyes closed yet wide awake.

I saw every hour on the clock.

My mind was racing. Why? Because of some judgy mom I should have ignored and not let bother me. But she did.

When we make decisions for our children, they are not done lightly. Everywhere my kids go, what they do, how they are fed, and everything; I think about it.

Is it a good idea to get my kids McDonald’s for dinner tonight? They’ve eaten healthy meals at home for the entire week. A Happy Meal every once in awhile is fine.

Should I take my overtired, didn’t nap toddler to sit at the gym during my daughter’s 2 hour practice today? Even though she really wants me there and I have a lot of work to do at home? Today, I have to stay home I think.

Is it better to have my daughter in activities 4 days a week after school and one until 8pm or should we take a break from something? I think we need to take a break from something. It’s too much.

Every. Single. Decision. I think about it, I talk to my husband (he trusts my decision), I talk to my mom (gives me the advice I need to hear), and ultimately I decide what is the best for my children.

And what is best for my children may not be best for your children. But that is okay.

So if I’m talking to you, as a parent, and your opinion is different than mine, don’t make me feel bad about it. My child is going to succeed in life regardless because I’m their mom and I’m doing the best I can for us.

It’s stupid really. I don’t like to care what other people think, it shouldn’t bother me. But this mom, she did. She really affected me to the point I didn’t sleep last night. She bothered me so much I started to rethink the decisions I had made for my child. She made me second guess myself so badly I actually contemplated a backup plan/strategy - to the point I was planning for 2 years from now. WTF, right? It’s 3am, go the fuck to sleep!

But it got worse, I started to think about worst case scenario. Know those horror stories we hear about on the news… we think it can’t happen to me? I began to imagine what if. I’ll go back to the moment I made my decision and wonder why did I go through with it. I will revisit the conversation I had with this mom and pray I had listened to her. I will regret my decision for the rest of my life. Every time I see her in town, I’ll blush in shame and the mom guilt will be unbearable.

Why did she make me feel inferior? Why did she have to make a point, numerous times that the path I have chosen is not right? Why did she have to open up her big, fat mouth and act superior to me? More importantly, why did I listen? Why is it bothering me? Is it because in some way, I worry she is right?

1 comment:

Eliza said...

She did it because she feels nervous that her own decisions aren't correct so she is deflecting and judging on others. Usually someone that takes time to be nasty (if she was?) is insecure about their own life. In 7th grade we learned a slogan and I'll never forget it: you don't have to blow out my candle to make yours glow brighter. Jessie I know you know you are a great mom! Don't let haters get you down. Hugs to you. And sleeping pills. For reals.

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