My husband took me out last night. A spur of the moment, luckily got a babysitter kind of night. We were literally gone for only just under two hours. But it was enough time for me to A: cry like a baby, B: be away from my house and work, and C: chug down two margaritas thank you very much.
I had had a rough day. A rough day at work, a rough day with the toddler, and a very unsettling realization. A good friend of mine passed away just over a year ago and on my phone I had 2-3 voicemails she had left me prior to her passing. I hadn’t been able to delete them and would listen to them when I felt down. Last night when I wanted to hear them, they were gone. I guess my phone only saves voicemails for a certain amount of time; this I hadn’t known. I got my kids organized and safely playing and took a sobbing shower. The kind of shower you take when you need some privacy from your family and need to cry, really loud. I’ll never get those voicemails back. It broke my heart.
So off I went to drink (I had asked for some shots which the husband thankfully denied me). Two margaritas and some positive adult conversation later I was feeling a bit better albeit still pretty sad. When I got home, my daughter was still up so I went and laid in bed with her (aka passed out in a drunken stupor with her). She rubbed my head and cuddled with me only complaining that I had bad breath. I felt so ashamed that it had come to that; my six year old comforting me.
Eventually I picked myself up and went to bed.
I woke up this morning and got into the daily grind. My daughter found me when she woke and asked if I was feeling better. Then much to my surprise she said, “Yesterday is over and today is a new day. Let’s try to make it better.”
I couldn’t love her more if I tried.