Thursday, January 07, 2016

Tough Love

It's 1:44 a.m.

I'm blogging from my phone. I have yet to sleep and I'm exhausted. My baby boy, my one year old love woke up screaming bloody murder. He was screaming as if someone was attacking him.

I figured at first it was a nightmare. So I gave it a minute but when the screaming did not subside I went to him. He clutched me and refused to lay back down. I was suckered into picking him up and bringing him in bed to see if he'd go right back to sleep. Whenever I bring him to our bed, which is not very often, he cuddles right into me. I love it so very much but it is short lived.

He notices daddy and switches up to kiss him and cuddle him. Then 3 minutes later he's back in the crook of my neck. And on it goes for as long as we allow it. 

Every once in a while in between the shifts, he'll sit up and start talking. His little blabber that is so freaking adorable despite not having a clue what he's talking about.

Then Jared falls asleep and I have a baby not wanting to sleep and only getting more hyper.

Usually I'll cuddle some more and give him a bottle. Or we'll rock. Tonight I said no more.

Tonight I put him back in his crib to cry it out. So while he flailed around on his crib screaming and crying, I sat here and tried not to hear it. I tried my best to leave him to cry it out. I needed him to go back to sleep on his own so bad habits aren't formed. And let me tell you, it sucks. Tough love is hard!

I wanted to just cuddle some more. I wanted my baby and to freeze that moment when he was so lovey. I wanted to not parent but to say heck with it. But I didn't and I stayed strong. 

The he finally calmed down after a few minutes that felt like a lifetime. Once I knew he was quiet and back to sleep I tiptoed back on to check on him.

Peace and quiet with rhythmic breathing. Ahh sleeping baby.

Yeah nope that little shit was faking. Popped right up and started wailing again. And now the tough love continues as I listen to the 2nd bout of wailing praying I can go to bed soon. Praying that the next time it's all quiet it's legit. And praying that little menace baby of mine won't put the blanket over his head again and fall asleep like that just to tempt me to fix it so he can wake right up again. He knows I'm a paranoid momma and won't let him sleep with a blanket on his head! And the minute it's moved he'll wake up! 

I love being a mom more than anything. It is what I am meant to be. It's difficult sometimes but more amazing than imaginable. Worth every less hour slept at night. Worth every temper tantrum you have to handle. Worth endless runny noses and food fights. Worth all the worries, stress, and paranoia. Being a mom is who I am and what I love the most. Children are the greatest blessing and I'll cherish this time always. Tough love or not!

It's all quiet again. Maybe I won...

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