Today this happened.
Jared went to the office and I was home with Brighton all day.
6amish - B wakes up a bit too early for him. Usually he goes back to sleep after his bottle, but not today.
8:30ish - We bring Lyla to school and on the way to school, B falls asleep.
8:50ish - B is up as soon as we get to school. "That was my morning nap mom!" - GREAT
9:30ish - I feed B.
10ish - B pukes down my shirt. I mean he puked directly down my shirt and in between my boobs so bad that the puke made a little pond inside my bra surrounding my boobs. And it was chunky.
11ish - B is SO freaking tired. So I pretend it's lunch time and give him some bananas. With a mouth full, he decides it would be funny to blow bubbles and spit bananas all over me.
11:30 - B started screaming. For the first time. He thinks it's funny. I do not.
12ish - Afternoon nap time! Thankfully...
Lunch: More fruit snacks and chips and cheese doodles. For the record, I don't like chips or cheese doodles but they were there and I was busy. And lazy.
2pm - I have the start of back to back to back conference calls until 4:30. B is still sleeping.
2:25pm - B wakes up right as I'm ending one call and starting another. Thankfully he remains quiet only cooing a bit while I chat with my boss.
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| Not my finest hour... |
3:15pm - Getting ready for my next con call. I put B in his bouncer chair thingy and put him in front of the iPad with Seasame Street on. As I bent over to get his toys, my braid fell into more puke on the chair. Fun!
3:35pm - Con call starts and B starts screaming. Apparently he's done with Elmo. I close the office doors and hope no one can hear him. Negative. I go into the laundry room and close the doors. I thank the good lord for the mute button and try to talk the least amount possible.
4:00pm - Call Jared tell him I'm having ice cream for dinner.
4:15pm - Leave to get Lyla at school and come home.
4:45ish - Upon arrival, she is whining, B is crying and my house is a wreck. I need to feed him and wash bottles and keep Lyla from driving me crazy with the whining.
5:01pm - Bottle of wine is open.
5:03pm - First glass is chugged.
5:05pm - I'm drunk.
5:06pm - Dance party in the kitchen! B is laughing while he eats, Lyla is looking at me like a crazy person and life is fan-fucking-tastic!
5:45pm - Jared comes home to me belting out "Fight Song" while gripping the wine glass and flailing my arms around like a crazy woman dancing. He shakes his head and makes dinner.
6:00pm - I wash all the bottles and my buzz is gone.
6:15pm - Bathe B
6:30pm - Laying on the floor with B half dead to the world almost sound asleep smelling like puke. Damn wine...
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