Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Real-life Parenting

My daughter told her teacher this yesterday: Carmel is a bitch.

So yes, she really meant "karma" and said it wrong but I'm sure the teacher got the gist. I only know this happened because she very proudly told me about it.

This is my fault of course. Playing a recent game of Sorry with her, she knocked my guy out and the next turn I got a Sorry card and knocked hers out. I started humming a happy song and did a victory dance while saying: Karma is a bitch! Let's face it, Sorry is my favorite game and I mean business with that game...

I'm not going to lie to my child. I'm not going to hide things from her. I'm all about real-life. Lyla knows what adult words are and how only adults can say adult words and kids say kid words. She knows shit, bitch, mother fucker, fuck, dammit, and of course asshole which we lovingly call a-hole. Sure, call me a bad mom but I just can't help myself and I swear constantly! The point is that I may have taught her all these bad words accidentally but I've also taught her there is a time and a place for them when she's an adult. She'll even tell me; Mommy, I can't say shit cause it's an adult word, right?

I've also taught her that "stupid" and "hate" are off limits. I dislike those words and she'll be the first to call someone out if they say one of those words to offer them an alternative word. She may have slipped up yesterday at school with her cursing, but she does know she shouldn't be using them.

I was listening to my favorite radio show, Elvis Duran and the Morning Show. This woman called up because her son's goldfish died overnight and everyone was offering her ideas as to how to hide it. To me, lying to your children to protect them just makes things worse. Don't sugar coat life. Life is amazing and wonderful but sometimes super shitty and sad. How can children understand life if we hide the shitty and sad stuff?

I am always honest and real with my daughter. She asks me to take her to Disney World and I tell her that we can't afford it. I am honest and say that Disney is expensive but some day if we save money, we can go.

When our dear friend Rose passed away, I had to tell Lyla the truth. She really loved her "auntie" Rose and I needed to be honest with her, even if she's only four. I took her to the coffee shop after school and got her a hot cocoa and treat. Then we talked.

Me: Lyla, I need to tell you something.
Lyla: What's up mom?
Me: Remember how I told you that Auntie Rose was not feeling well and I visited her in the hospital? Well she took the picture you colored and hung it up on her wall. She really loved it and appreciated it. I just wanted to tell you that Auntie Rose is not sick anymore. She didn't make it and is up in heaven right now.
Lyla: Auntie Rose died? I'm so sad!
Me: Yes, she did pass away. I'm very sad too. But she really loved you and don't ever forget her, okay?
Lyla: She died just like great grampa. I'm going to miss her.
Me: I'm going to miss her too.
Lyla: This is really good hot cocoa.

She may have changed the subject fast but she did truly understand. In fact, since then, she's been telling me that it's sad we'll never see Auntie Rose or great grampa again. I'm so proud of her to be honest. What would I have been teaching her if I lied?

So my point is maybe we should all get kids used to real-life from the get-go. Let's not lie to them and hide things from them. I think my daughter will be stronger in the long run.

Real-life is not always sunny but it's the cloudy days that makes us stronger.

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