(This sarcasm Friday post is brought to you by Sudafed and Puffs tissues. Please excuse the overwhelming sarcasm, excessive use of exclamation points, and cursing.)
This week was my first full week back to work since before Christmas. You could imagine how excited I was to begin! Sunday night I was practically salivating at the near thought of it! Too wired to sleep! Monday arrived, finally, my favorite day of the week! The day was not too bad but halfway through it I started coughing. I had this undeniable feeling I was about to win the lottery.
Monday night, the coughing worsened while we sat watching some TV. I figured if I wanted to sleep I should take some nightquil but lucky me we were all out because honestly, why would I want to sleep...
On Tuesday, it was official. I HAD hit the lottery! Whoohoo! Massive head cold, fever, the works! I could barely get out of bed to dress Lyla for school let alone deal with work and meetings I had. I was so thrilled to lay in bed most of the day in my pajamas with what felt like a team of demons pounding all over my head and face. I had so much mucus and gross stuff flying all over the place it was like fucking Disneyland for the sick. I LOVED it! I won a sick day. Score!
Tuesday night, shit really hit the fan. I was cold. Really cold. Who doesn't love being cold! I had on: a fleece nightgown, fleece pants, fleece sweatshirt, fleece socks, slippers, mittens, and a hat while in bed with the electric blanket on high, my normal bed duvet and flannel sheet plus a double fleece blanket on top. I. Was. Shaking. In fact, the shaking was so amazingly fun, I asked Jared to dance! I could not get the chills away from me no matter what I did. If felt just like that time I had way too much to drink and was all jittery and sloppy. I finally fell asleep to then only wake up soaking wet with sweat a few hours later. Jared decided I didn't just have a head cold but the FLU!
Wednesday morning, I jumped out of bed and did a little jig. I have the flu, I have the flu, I sang.. Day 2 of work dismissed! Yippiee!! Because doing jigs and singing with a fever, the sweats, the chills, a massive head cold, and so many aches is totally doable, right?! Let's just say I didn't even leave my bed on Wednesday. Didn't even bother. Let's face it, being in bed all day is amazingly fun. I don't think I've had this kind of fun in years!
Wednesday night God decided I was having so much fun, he wanted me to endure more. BAM! Welcome menstruation to my life! Right then I knew I had really hit the jack pot! What more could a girl want? Cramps, the flu, head cold, oh my! Not to mention I had yet to eat anything. Bonus points for losing a few pounds!
Thursday morning I woke up and though I still couldn't talk due to all my coughing and my stuffed nose, my massive headache had finally subsided. But I was still sweating and freezing and unable to eat. I happily moved from my bed to a chair in my bedroom and watched TV all day long. No reason for me to work because the mere thought of it was too happy to imagine. Instead I went through a couple boxes of tissues as I caught up with a show I like (Once Upon a Time). Let's face it, you give me Disney characters, an adorable kid, and an okay plot, I'm going to watch it. Plus I can't deny that the men are not too bad on the eyes. In fact (and this is not sarcasm at all, for real), I told Jared last night that Captain Hook on that show is so incredibly gorgeous and hot I could bang the crap out of him. Yes I did just say that to my husband.
Thursday night, I told Jared I wanted to get out as I was feeling better, I was hungry, let's go get some food. He insisted I was not better and we should not go anywhere. I went upstairs got dressed and my coat on and and hovered over him until I got my way. We made a GREAT decision to have Chinese and headed out. I couldn't eat the soup or the salad. And when my meal came I ordered a ginger ale. Bonus points again for not eating! I'm slimming down, whoohoo! Needless to say going out was a bad idea and I didn't eat a thing.
I had a hard time sleeping last night. I couldn't get comfortable. I knew regardless of how I felt today, I was getting out of bed and doing some work. A lot easier than it appears, let me tell you. Of course the light at the end of the tunnel... it's almost the weekend AND Lyla started coughing last night...
Joy to the fucking world, I love winter!
How's this for reality. This is me, right now - three days later. Still freezing with a hat on in my own house. Jared told me I look like I have cancer. Not to be offensive to anyone, at all...