Thursday, November 22, 2012

I am Thankful: for Lyla

I am thankful for so many things.  And to show my gratitude to the inventors of Thanksgiving, I will post every day during November to share all I'm thankful for.  We should be thankful for what we have every day of our lives and I'm hoping my posts will inspire you to do the same!

I've been dreading this, really. I know I'm going to get super emotional and it's too late I'm starting this post right now already emotional.

So to keep this light and to not run out of tissues, I'll do this.

I am thankful for my beautiful, smart, spunky, amazing miracle of a daughter, Lyla.

When I wrote this, it was about this girl of mine.

And finally, an excerpt from my Dear Lyla letters...

Dear Lyla,

I’m a sobbing mess.  We had a good day today. You went to gymnastics and did so well.  I was so proud to be your mommy watching you listening so well and doing adorable cartwheels and rolls.  I was beaming ear to ear watching how much fun you had today.  I’m not an expert but maybe you were destined for gymnastics?  I don’t know but you’re good.

Tonight I sat down with you to read all your library books but you didn’t want to.  I actually started to cry because you wanted to read them “all by myself”.  I sat there wondering if this was it.  Are you done being my baby?  Are you not going to let me read to you anymore?  I was so sad and you noticed.  You ran into the other room to get me pretend medicine.  You gave it to me and said, “Mommy you be better soon.”  My heart leaps with pride knowing how smart you are and how you’ve advanced but inside I’m so sad you’re growing up.  I can’t bear the thought of you getting older and more independent. I just want you to depend on me and need me.  I miss you so much it hurts.  Stop growing up so fast my dear girl.

A mother’s love is so fierce.  I can’t control it.  Even though the umbilical cord is long gone,  I’m still attached and I’ll always be. I’m 100% dedicated to you and your well being.  I am only in this world to care for you.  I don’t care about myself at all, I really don’t.  I only want to be the best mom for you.   

So I’m going to sit here and feel bad for myself.  I’m going to cry that you’re growing up too fast.  I’m going to cry missing the baby you used to be. I’m going to cry knowing this is only the beginning.  You’re not going to be clinging on to me forever.  Your hugs and kisses will surely lessen with time.  You innocent, sweet smile will eventually turn into a growing, mischievous girl’s smile.  You’re only 2 but I know I’m going to blink and you’ll be 22.  I’ll be longing for the days when I sit down to write you a letter about how sad I am.  Sad that I’m enjoying raising you so much that I don’t ever want it to end.  And maybe, technically it won’t but things will never be the same.  And life goes on...

I love you always, 

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