Thursday, September 20, 2012

I'm not the greatest mom that ever lived

Sing the title to the tune of:  I am the greatest man that ever lived (one of the BEST Weezer songs...)

These past few weeks have been rough.  In no particular order...

  1. I've had/have shingles - caused by stress.
  2. Found out I have a thyroid issue (hence I'm so damn fat still).  - caused by stress.
  3. My female parts just aren't working right (TMI?)  - caused by stress.
  4. A huge project at work that has consumed my time for months was delayed for no reason at all.
  5. My other huge project at work (my event) is next week and is a lot of work.
All of the above problems have sucked.  I've been working 15-18 hour days (no lie) and my personal life has gone down the tubes.

Insert a two year old.  You know, that little love of my life?

This month, Lyla went back to "school" 3 days a week and to a new class (intro to preschool).  She has 2 very nice teachers and still sees many familiar faces from her old classes.  She has been a gem at school and always adapting well.  But now, not so much and I feel like it's all my fault.  No, it is all my fault.

Back in May, we did the potty training boot camp and Lyla did fantastic.  She went all summer doing great, maybe having one accident a week at the most.  We dropped diapers cold turkey and Lyla didn't wet the bed at night or at nap - only occasionally.

At school, all summer, she was good for the most part.  

But now, all of a sudden, she's regressing.  She has an accident almost every day at school.  And at home, she pees a little in her undies before telling me she has to go - every day. I thought it was maybe a bladder infection (and I'm still not ruling that out) but I'm really thinking it's just all the change.  Is my child rebelling?

Here are the changes that have happened recently in Lyla's life and I'm curious if it's enough to make her regress?
  1. Jared (the hubs) is doing most of the school drop offs/pick ups - when I used to do them.
  2. I am working a lot more (is that possible!) and not able to do drop offs and pickups
  3. She is in a new class where most of the other kids are not potty trained completely.
  4. We took the side off her crib so she could have a real bed and be able to get up to pee on her own.
  5. Not bragging at all, but she seems to be smarter and older than the other kids in her class.
I've noticed she is using her fingers more with food rather than her fork and at school they are learning 1,2,3 and she can count to 30.  Is school holding her back?  Is she too advanced than the other kids?

That was my first concern and I did talk to the school and teachers.  They are helping me to make sure she doesn't regress. But she still is.  Is it just the changes in her life? Is it my fault?  Should I pull her from the school?

I'm literally losing my mind.  Every day I call her school to check on her and yes she had another accident. Every night when she's home and sees me, she's clinging to me for dear life.  I know she misses me and it breaks my heart.  Once things slow down a bit (some day?) I hope things will change.  But every day I'm in tears because Lyla is not with me and I know somehow, somewhere that is messing her up.

I've been having crying sessions every night to let out steam and destress.  I've been sitting in my hot tub alone at 9pm to decompress and relax but all I think about is Lyla and all the work I have to do and I cry.

I'm just going through a tough time and Lyla gets it.  She can tell.  Any other moms out there hear me?  Is this normal?  Am I a terrible mom?  UGH!

I'm seriously considering taking Lyla out of school and having someone come in the house to watch her while I work here.  That way I'm here and she's close by but occupied.

Just needed to let out some steam this morning and any advice is welcome.  Thank you!


Connect4 said...

OK I'm not a mom, so I can't completely chime in here, but I can guarantee you almost everything you're saying is normal. With regards to the peeing issue, Molly had the same thing a few months after potty training; we think it's that she just gets too into what she's doing to remember she has to go until she pees a little, then remembers. so I'd say that part is natural.

The finger eating is also a phase thing: Molly does it too. It's just easier for them to finish eating so they can get back to playing. Especially with Lyla's intelligence, I can see why she'd want to be running around playing instead of sitting and eating.

Lyla being at school isn't messing her up at all. She's getting to play with kids, and she'll adapt. I know this is like telling the Pope not to be Catholic, but don't worry. She's a great kid already based on your blog, and she is not going backwards at all!

Therese Ceceme said...

I've been seeing some regression here too, but I thought it was because of the baby. I think the finger eating thing is something I wouldn't even worry about.

When I worked in preschool we would have a lot of kids that were just having a tough time and the teacher would always tell them about when her son was younger. She was a single working mom and her son just wasn't doing well at the babysitter. So she took time off (I don't know how) for like 2 months she just stayed home with him. And after that he was fine. He went right back to school, was excited and she never had another issue with him. Maybe if you keep her home with a nanny for a few months you can try school again later? I think school is good for socialization but it sounds like you all need a break. Plus when she is 3 (if you keep her home until then) there are so many more programs she could try.

I do feel that a class full of children younger/behind developmentally will hold that child back, but at this age the skills/intelligence levels vary so much it is hard to say that there aren't areas they could also be helping her learn, know what I mean?

Stress is really bad for you as you obviously know. I know my lady parts get all messed up when I am stressed out too which stresses me out more! Hopefully you can figure something out.

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