Monday, March 12, 2012

Working Mom Mondays - Missing My Kid

What did I tell you... "by Monday night I'll be sobbing."  I've reached my breaking point.  I miss my kid.  So much so that I feel bad for myself and have bought a gigantic choc/pb cookie I'm currently whimpering over.  It tastes delicious but it's not making me miss Lyla any less.  And to think I have two more full days before I can see her!  Ouch, my heart aches.

I've stopped talking about her because my eyes are tearing up and talking to my coworker who has been traveling for more than 2 solid weeks and has not seen his girls makes me lucky I'm not all over the place too often.  

I have not ever been able to really express what it is to be a mother.  It's an indescribable feeling.  Lyla was conceived in me.  She grew inside of me through a literal connection.  She came out of me and though that connection eventually was broken, literally, the connection that I had to her never went away.  Just because she is no longer attached to me, she is still part of me in every other sense of that word.  I will never be a whole person again because part of me is her.  And when we are not together, like now, I feel incomplete. With her I am whole. Without her I have a hole.   

Being away is making me very emotional and this damn cookie is not working; in fact it has made it worse (cause now my belly aches along with my heart).

Lyla is fine.  She has her dad and she probably won't know she missed me until I get home.  Because when I get home, she will be clinging to me for dear life for at least a day and a half if not more.  She will realize that she has her mommy back and she will feel whole again too.

As I sit her in my hotel room finally in solitude after a long day of talking and talking and talking, I find myself longing to be at home cleaning up the bath tub, making coffee for the morning, listening to the quiet, rhythmic breathing of my girl in the monitor, and sitting on the couch with the hubby arguing over what to watch on TV.  I have this every night of my life and just being away from it for 5 days is really sinking in.  I am such a wuss to be honest.

In any event, I am here to work and will be home to my family soon.  I could never be a traveling businesswoman.  My family is too important to me.  And though I love my job (most of the time), it does not rank number one in my life.  Some days I just wish I could be independently wealthy so I could be home with my child all the time.  Some day...

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