Rants and Conversations this week

This week I've had some stellar conversations.  I've said or screamed the following (no exaggerations...):

Sippy cups are the devil!!!

If I get one more sippy cup leak in my purse, I swear...!

I've spent more money on sippy cups and shoes for my kid than diapers!

Why can't you just offer to HELP rather than making me ask you to HELP!

My Christmas tree is ugly!  It's all your fault!

No, Grover can not go to school with you today.

And Pablo can not eat dinner with us.

Put the shoes back on baby!  Her feet are cold and they are going to get lost!

No, I think baby has had enough of her bottle so I can stop feeding her now.

Please don't write on my floors with pen!!

Your balls do not belong on the table.

Yes, byebye peepee.

Poop?  You pooped!  Why didn't you tell me before you started to squeeze?

You pooped again?!  That makes 4 times today - Jared you're up and I don't care that you're making dinner.

Is that yours?  Then stop touching!

No, it's MINE!

We don't eat peas off the floor, please throw them in the trash.

Smudge is not a stuffed animal so please stop trying to pick her up.

I am not BITCHY!  Leave me alone!

It's all YOUR fault!

Yes I want orange soda and I know I've said I don't like soda a million times but I don't care, I want some orange soda!

That blankie does not belong on your head.

Stop running into the wall with blankie on your head!

We don't throw ornaments.

No touching the ornaments!

Yes that is Santa but don't touch!

Yes, pretty.  The tree is pretty.  Pretty ugly!  But it's all daddy's fault.

Can you say thank you?  No?!  Don't you say no to me!  No saying NO!!!  I mean it!  NOOOO!!!!