Lyla is at that stage where she is trying my patience, getting too big for things, and becoming a little girl, not a baby. While it's wonderful to watch her grow and progress, it's also hard work, frustrating, and is not guilt free. I want to be with her all the time but I have to work so I'm always feeling guilty. She just wants to play with me but I'm on a conference call or I'm working on my lap top. She's also big enough to know what she wants yet I don't know. She whines and cries for things she wants but I'm not a psychic. It's very frustrating as I try to meet her needs. Lately she's been teething really bad and I have no idea how to help her. I even broke my cardinal law and put her in bed with us early this morning because she was just so unhappy. Once she fell asleep, I put her back but still it was hard.
Sometimes I think I'm a failure because I can't read my own kid but I know that's not true. It's just another phase. Each phase she goes through brings on more challenges and more joy. I just want to do right by her and make sure she's loved and learning. I'm so grateful I'm a mother despite how challenging it may be at times. I'm also so grateful for my mother because she had it really tough and I was never able to understand until now.
Motherhood is the most amazing and rewarding job and I'm so happy to be part of the club. I know things will get better and this time involves a lot of bumps in the road but I'm sure if me and Lyla stick together, all will be well.