Sunday, May 16, 2010

Instruction manual please?

Before they allow you to take a newborn home from the hospital, they should provide you with a manual.  The book only has to have 2 chapters:  When you should PANIC and When NOT to PANIC.

I could really use something like this.  The chapters could include - after personal experience so far:

When NOT to PANIC:
- A newborn's breathing is erratic, fast then slow, heavy then soft.  Wheezing is normal.  So a midnight call to an unhappy pediatrician is not necessary when you're panicking your baby can't breathe...

- Yes, your baby is a snake and her skin peels.  Don't panic.

- No, your baby is not deaf because she is not jumping with all loud noises.  And snapping your finger next to her ear non stop to get to her to jump to prove to you she's not deaf is not necessary.  Just turn on the magic bullet to make a smoothie and BAM she jumps...

- Babies sneeze all the time, so she does not have a cold.

- Yes she's still breathing, you don't have to keep checking while she's looking at you...

- Babies eat then sleep, the poop, then eat some more and then sleep.  Don't panic that they are bored with you cause they are not.

- Babies have really wet diapers, it's normal...

- Babies get rigamortis whenever you try to change them or get them dressed.  Their arms do bend, don't panic!

- Sometimes babies just want to suck something.  Anything.  They are not always hungry.

When you SHOULD PANIC:

- Baby is not breathing.

- Baby is not eating.

- Baby is not pooping.

- Baby is not peeing.

- Baby is always sleeping.

- Baby is not getting scared by magic bullet.

Furthermore, I will never, ever again google - "baby breathing fast" or something like that.  I do need to sleep and worrying non stop about what Dr. Sears says, the stupid moms commenting on babycenter.com, or Yahoo answers will not help!

2 comments:

Danyel said...

Sadly, even after 2, I totally know what you are talking about. Not to help matters, sometimes the doctor says to panic and it is not necessary either.

christina said...

Pretty much trust yourself. If you're worried, call the doctor. That's what they are there for. It's a thousand times better to call then to think "Oh, I don't want to bother them, I'm sure it's ok..." to find out it might not be.

For me with both the boys, to test the suck vs hungry thing, I would stick my pinky in their mouth (nail down) - if they just wanted to suck that will make them happy (fingers always seemed the right shape) - if they get pissed after 2 seconds then they're hungry ;)

You'll be a pro in no time!

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