Tuesday, March 16, 2010

What to do with myself?

I'm not sure what to do today.  I have a very huge issue looming over head.  Whenever I think about it, I cry and just trying to figure out what to do about it I get angry and angrier with all these ideas of hostile retaliation.  None of which are kosher for the situation.  

I'm such a wuss that I can't stand up for myself and make my issue known to the people it concerns.  Granted no matter what I did it would just make matters worse.  I'm supposed to just sit here and take it, continue on with life and not care that things have changed.  But honestly I just feel like calling work, telling them I'm having crazy contractions and need to go to the doctor.  Then I can avoid everything while I sit here in my pajamas reading my book getting lost in another world ignoring my own.

Why do I care so much?  That is my first question.  Why do I let people bother me so much?  And really, most importantly, this problem is so minor in the grand scheme of my so-called life that I should just grin and bear it like a rock star.  But I just simply can't.  I'm not programmed that way.  

So instead, I'm going to sit here like a zombie remembering the way things used to be, trying to come up with a solution that won't make me look bad, and at the same time trying to figure out what to do next.  The worse part is I have so much going on that right now, I can't handle the added stress.  I need to focus on me and our baby right now but alas other people don't care about other people.  They tend to only care about themselves.  And therein lies the problem.  The more I care, the more I hurt.  What to do with myself...

1 comment:

Julie said...

Aaw, Jessie. This is when you have to remind yourself about the people that do care about you, and have offered to help in the past. Call those people up, and delegate! Or call those people up and have them send cookies! :)

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