Sunday, November 15, 2009

Hopes, Dreams, and Huh?

I wrote this as my college graduation neared back in 2004.  I wanted to post this today for my sister who will be graduating college this coming spring. Jodie, I didn't know what the hell I was going to do back then as you can tell from my little short story so it's okay if you don't either.  You're not alone, my dear!

(this is unedited because it's more amusing that way)

When you think about how many different options you get, the list is incredible.  And from that list you can break those options into so many different categories and so on.  So why does one have so much trouble deciding what they want to do for the rest of their life.  Especially when there is four weeks until graduation and time is maybe running out.  People expect things of you.  Particularly when you will have a degree and a lot of different opportunities awaiting you. 
Well I am not an exception because I know a lot of people who are in this same position.  You work hard in college, four years, or five like me!  (Well I took a semester off, changed my major, studied abroad, and did a co op.  So five years is pretty good I think).  Anyway it is a lot to handle.  Who wants to grow up right after college?  I know I don’t.  Society puts too much pressure on new graduates to get a job immediately after graduation and because of this parents add to this pressure.  And what makes it even worse is every one else who knows you.  College students know exactly what I’m talking about.  People coming up to you and asking what’s on the agenda or what you’re going to do after graduation jobwise.  Leave us alone.  We don’t know most of the time and if we do, there is no guarantee 95% of the time we’ll even get the job we want.
That is one of my major peeves.  I know people mean well but we don’t want to talk about it because then we get all depressed.  At least I know I do.  My father asks me if I’m in a good mood.  I immediately know that means he’s going to ask me about my future.  I refuse to give him a clue.  That’s only because I don’t have a clue.  If I did, I would have my perfect resume at the company of my dreams already and I’d be calling them everyday.  Since that is not happening, bummer.  It will all work out I always assure him.  He expects me to get some great job with benefits working 9-5 everyday at some desk.  That is not going to happen, ever.  I would go insane.  Meanwhile my ass would get extremely flat and wide.  I would gain weight and be miserable.  I could not be locked up inside all day at a desk. 
I think about my chances at becoming this best selling author and then my hopes go soaring.  I dream about seeing my books in Borders and Barnes and Noble, my town dedicating the library to me, and my name being so well-known like Nora Roberts and Dave Barry.  I get so high up and then I start writing and so excited.  But eventually I think about reality and who would actually want to read my stuff.  Everything suddenly comes crashing down.  I feel like a big loser and stop writing a minute and read my stuff.  Wow it is awful.  No publisher would ever give me all the money I’m imagining for this crap.  Then I look at it again.  I realize that it does not matter.  I have to write for me, not for an audience.  Okay someone also told me that, but I know this and no matter how much I think and think, I have to believe in myself.  I may have no idea what I want to be when I grow up, but I can have my fantasy of being a famous writer and actually become it.  I have to work at it but I know I might be able to do it.  And if you’re reading right now, you’re helping me, so thanks!  

1 comment:

MaryBeth said...

"He expects me to get some great job with benefits working 9-5 everyday at some desk. That is not going to happen, ever. I would go insane."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Love ya, Jess. :)

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