...And Baby makes 3!

Yes, you are correct. Jared and I are having a baby. We are going to be parents. I am pregnant! Holy shit! Okay, yes I'm totally terrified/excited/nervous/happy/over the moon/freaking out. But that is normal, right?

A few years ago when I was trying to figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up, I was clueless. I had no idea what to do with my life and what direction to go in. Then one day it dawned on me. I wanted to be a mom when I grew up. My job, my career, my skills, they don't matter to me as much as raising a child does. I think one of a woman's greatest accomplishments is raising children. So finally I feel (well I think I do) grown up and ready to start my greatest, hardest job ever; being a mom. But I will not be doing it alone. I have a British husband that will be teaching our kids bloody this and bloody that as we go along (God help me...).

This should be the single most exciting time of our life but we are both terrified beyond a doubt! I did have a miscarriage a few years ago that stripped my soul more than one can imagine and now I find myself worrying that something could be wrong and what if it happens again. But I have to let go of that fear and doubt and be happy that I have a chance to bear one of the greatest gifts of all time. So I'm praying and hoping that everything turns out okay.

Okay enough of the sappy stuff. Let's get on to the good stuff that I know you're all wondering about. Therefore I was nice enough to add this FAQ section:

When are you due/how far along?

Well our baby is due at the end of April. Doctor's and internet says April 25, 2010 but I don't believe them. This baby will grace us with its presence when it is rightfully ready to. You are welcome to guess in our pool!!! So I'm in my 10th week and all looks good so far to my doctor. I even got an ultra sound and saw it's little heart beat fluttering away. So amazing, let me tell you...

Are you finding out the sex of the baby?

Well to be honest I do not want to find out and hope for a surprise. But my other half is dying to know so we can have a boy or girl room ready for it. He feels if we make it neutral, we'll have a transgender baby...Don't ask...

I've resolved to stop arguing about it and to compromise on the issue so we shall see what happens.

How have you been feeling?

Oh, wow, thanks for asking! The first couple weeks were hellish. I had the most severe cramps I've ever encountered in my life. I was terrified something was wrong and panicked. My doc did an ultrasound just to show me everything was okay.

Then came the nausea. I feel hungover 24/7 and have been like this the past three weeks but no vomiting. I'm not sure what's worse.

Have you thought of any names?

Yes, I think we are good for boy names and so we should have a boy. Girls, we're not entirely sure of yet. Jessie jr. is just not going over well with they hubby. I'm not ready to share our baby names yet because I don't want them "stolen" like Charlotte's name was in Sex in the City - oh the crisis of the infamous Shayla...

Are you guys excited?

I think it's funny when people ask this of pregnant women. Of course we're excited and like I mentioned earlier - terrified, scared shitless, over the moon, nervous, etc. Who wouldn't be though? Basically I have an alien-type being in my belly growing from Jared's seed. Freaky!!

I can't think of any more questions to "ask myself" but feel free to add some "words of wisdom" below and ask a question, etc. I love hearing from you all.

BY the way, if I have not called you back, if I have blown you off, or been a stranger, this was the reason. I've been terrified of letting it slip due to my horrific need to have a pity party about my pain. AND I've been like a toddler with the need to go to bed at seven every night. This was also my reasoning for not blogging as much because again, this has been on my mind non stop.

Finally my last word of wisdom (for all the Hollys out there), I promise being a mom will not take my life away. I promise never to compare my child's head circumference with other children their age. I promise not to jeopardize conversation to just be about my child non stop. I promise never to use the word "percentile" because honestly, that's lame. I promise not to lose my self. I promise only to harass my sister and mom all the time with my TMI issues if I need to talk about it so that the world does not have to know. Oh and you're ALL invited to my baby shower (evil grin and laugh...).